yes ANOTHER narc parent thread - LONG OP

[IroningBoardForSurfBoard]

sorry, but i need some perspective from people who know what i'm talking about, so please bear with me on this.

I've read the 'Daughters of' website inside out and upside down, and convinced my mother is narcisistic (sp?), or most def. has narc tendencies.

I am the eldest child, her 'golden child' also has terrible mental health issues. (just had a 6mth spell in hos, sectioned at least 10 times in the past 12 years )

Before my sister met her DH, we were very close.
She stayed at my place, she ate with us, she babysat by way of 'payment' on occassions (this was her terminology, not mine), she moved into her own flat and became increasingly ill (i am NOT insinuating this was linked to her moving out, i'm not possessive of her) - this was her 1st section - and she turned against our mother.
She hated her with a real venom I've never seen her express before! Sis made ME her next of kin, alongside our father. This was fine/accepted in the family as we all felt it was the illness doing this, it wasn't 'personal' IYGWIM.

As she recovered, they got close again (back to golden child/narc mother) and sis met than man who is now her DH.

As sis developed her relationship with this man, I withdrew a little, no-one wants their big sis hanging about on dates do they

Then things got a bit messy when DSIS announced her pregancy. Another sibling had a huge argument with DSIS's DP over the phone, but since this happened on MY phone, i got dragged in..blah blah blah. all sorts of shit was said, and, as is often the case, the blame landed with me - being the eldest/my phone/ etc. anyway, you get the drift i hope.

shit, pressed post instead of 'preview'

will carry on in next post

so, sis marries her man, they have a baby and seem to bump from disaster to disaster, they moved house on the day she went into labour, his extended family moved in (that's a whole other section), sis leaves BIL, etc etc, all interspersed with stays in hospital, varying lengths

Mother often funded house moves by way of deposits and buying furniture, says it's to stop DSIS 'going off again' - whatever, it's her cash, she'd only give it to someone else.

I now know she was 'buying' DSIS and her family.

On to this time last year.......

mine and DSIS's relationship is non-existent.
We occassionally see each other, but never make plans together. We have definitely 'outgrown' each other (we are over 30 now) and it's fine.

I did extend invitations etc to her and her family, but for one reason or another, they were declined, mostly due to stress, i was told.
by DM.

my DSIS found my household and lifestyle too stressful so she couldn't cope with it. i was a bit but shrugged it off.

now to the present day. DSIS has spent a very poorly year, in hospital for probably 8/12 months and has during this time, told DM some things that are not quite true. like i had phoned her mobile in the middle of the night when she was on the ward. like i had written to her, that i had been talking to her DH. none of this is true.

Now, what has this got to do with DM? well, she thinks it's fab we're 'talking' again, and keeps 'setting us up' to spend 'quality' time together. ok you say, you're an adult and are responsible for your own life, but dealing with a narc DM's tantrums when this isn't very comfortable is really wearing.

DM can't/won't see that the stuff sis said this time, is in the same 'fantasy' as the stuff she said about her way back when she was 1st poorly. DM is also telling people she has worked hard to get us 'back together', she;s taking credit for something that isn't true, and when we (SIS and I) don't sit cackling and guffawing in hilarity in each other's company, then we are being 'silly' and how it's her most prayed for thing, that we can be 'friends' again.

thanks for reading this..i'm bloody well pooped writing it all all, i'm sure it makes some sense, to someone.