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Original poster

How much was your DP/DH socialising when your were pregnant?

29 replies

ThomCat · 26/11/2005 09:16

To be honest it's not the amount of times he's been out, or will continue to go out, it's more the time he gets home and the fact I am woken and then can't get back to sleep, not helped by the fact he snores. I'm currently 36+3 weeks pregnant.

Last night he went out for drinks with some guys he knows, it was one of the guys girlfriends birthdays. He said he'd get last train home but obviously didn't and it must have been 3am ish when he came to bed.
I woke, easily done when 8 months pregnant, and was still awake at 4.30, listening to him snore and getting more and more wound up. Lottie was up at 7 this morning but it has been 6am a lot.

This is semi-regular, at least once a week but at the moment feels like twice a week and 3am is an average time I guess.

So, while I don't begrudge him a socail life, and I'm still getting out a bit etc, and I do love him very, very much, I'm getting wound up with the accidental wakings and snoring etc.

How much right do I have to be annoyed?
Is it just part of being pregant and having a socilable man and a bit tough really?

OP posts:
hercules · 26/11/2005 09:18

Tell him if he gets home after a certain time he has to sleep on the sofa.

IntergalacticTheRedNosedWalrus · 26/11/2005 09:19

My DP used to go out alot, but now we have DS he has been out a handful of times. I think he thought ut was some kind of a last fling.

I agree with pp that you should make him sleep on the sofa, as this is what I trained DP to do.

Original poster
ThomCat · 26/11/2005 09:23

I really can't see him doing that tbh, and it's so cold at the moment, .........
hmmmmm. Well, I'll make the suggestion but can't see him going for it. He's a sleep monster and likes his bed too much. And although I love him his greatest fault is that he can be selfish.

OP posts:
crimbocrazydazy · 26/11/2005 09:23

Agree with Hercules, he should sleep on the sofa!!!! He is being really inconsiderate especially as you are heavily pregnant.

As you the answer to your question, DP didn't go out whilst I was pregnant unless I went with him but different people have different kinds of relationships!!!

The thing what would worry me if I was in your situation would be that I might go into labour (I had both kids early) and he was too drunk to go with me to hospital, now that would scare me!!!

Original poster
ThomCat · 26/11/2005 09:25

Yes there is a danger of earlyish labour. I'm planning a home birth but still, I don't want him to be in a drunken sleep and keep falling back to sleep while I labour. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...............

OP posts:
crimbocrazydazy · 26/11/2005 09:28

I don't think its unreasonable of you to ask him to not be late home until you have had the baby.

He does sound incredibly selfish Thomcat....sorry don't mean to offend you though

charlietherednosedpussy · 26/11/2005 09:30

Just in case you needed to go to hospital for anything or Lottie needed someone to look after her it would be a VERY good idea he put a grinding halt to his latenight drinking sessions.

mumfor1sttime · 26/11/2005 09:49

I would get him to kip on sofa! This is what my dh does when he goes out, its a house rule!!

Dinker · 26/11/2005 10:09

Sounds exactly like my man when I was pregnant. He just could't see that he was being selfish. I take it you must be quite laid-back and if you did the same to him he wouldn't stop moaning about it. I managed to sleep at other times but know that's not possible for you. In the end I gave him a curfew and in the last couple of weeks he stuck to it. You should give him this to read.

hunkermunker · 26/11/2005 10:14

I would be annoyed - I've not been sleeping well lately, so DH often sleeps in with DS (which has the added bonus of if DS wakes up with sore teeth, which he has a couple of times lately, DH is the one that gets up ).

God, the empathy I have for you with the lying awake getting cross while snooze-head snores peacefully beside you - gah!

I think it's not about begrudging him a social life, it's about him realising that being sober and at home might be a good plan with an imminent baby.

I'd definitely be talking about a duvet on the sofa for late night homecomings though. And I'd grow my toenails to be extra scratchy in case he does come into bed, then I'd dig in if he snored But I'm strangely evil.

strawberry · 26/11/2005 10:17

This sounds like my dh too. I think he should be staying sober and getting plenty of rest too so that he is ready for the birth. I think you have every right to ask him to do this. Choose a good time to talk - perhaps when lottie is asleep and you are both staying in?

Original poster
ThomCat · 26/11/2005 11:32

Have told him. Next week is a biggie, Danny Rampling retires ad everyone I know is going. It's a huge thing and it's Danny that really got D DJing etc, I don't begrudge him that night, even though it's Saturday and Sunday ruled out. He's even booked the Monday off work to recover.

But other than that I've told him that's it now, no more. A couple of beers after work is cool but that's his lot.

Felt like I had to lay it down like that. Next weekend is a huge one anyway so....

The snoring is beyond irritating and so are the long lie ins the next morning, cabs home, money on beers, and the fact that the baby could arrive anytime from now until New Years Day, - yep that was the nail in his coffin!

So the sofa won't have to come into it!

I said if he has a problem with that then fine, I would be moving my best mate in to live with me till the baby arrived, and he would be moving out.

Think I was most reasonable!

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 26/11/2005 14:52

So no need to grow your toenails then? Shame - they're good for shinning up curtains when they're really long.

God, I'm losing the plot. Slap me tonight, right?!

miniminx · 28/11/2005 22:37

BTW, with the snoring, all I do is say in an extremely bossy voice "STOP SNORING NOW" and his snoring peters out.

If only he listened as well when I talk to him when he's awake

LoveMyGirls · 29/11/2005 09:59

glad you're sorted i think you have been very generous, my dp wasnt allowed out after i was 36weeks just incase plus i found i got quite needy towards the end, once the baby comes he wont be coming home at 3am even if he goes out cause he will be far too tired, trust me i have an 8week old dd and we're both shattered all the time and shes quite a good sleeper.

Chloe55 · 29/11/2005 10:53

Hmmm, this is a sore subject in our household too. I am 29 weeks pg and have given up smoking and drinking since I found out I was pg, so giving up the two vices and coping with the added stresses of pg and hormones flying I think I have done bloody well. DH on the other hand still gets blottoed every Fri/Sat and most Sundays or whenever a big game is on and is still smoking (not in the house anymore though) Anyway, I had a big breakdown on him, well 2 actually, and since then he has agreed to go on the wagon after New Year until this baby is born (due Feb) I just think if I can do it for a year then he can manage 2 months out of his life! What clinched it was the fact that I said if he was pissed then I would not allow him in the labour ward with me so either he gives up the booze for a couple of months or runs the risk of missing the birth of his child. Lets see if he can do it!

I just think it is irresponsible for the dh/dp to carry on as normal whilst we go through all the pain/lack of sleep/giving up things we enjoy etc. I need him to be supporting me and getting me to hospital when the time comes so I would be annoyed if at 36 weeks my dh was pissed and getting it at 3am a couple of times a week.

Sorry that was long.

Lizzylou · 29/11/2005 10:57

I fully sympathise with the snoring!
DH is fairly good and has only been on a few nights out, but has been working away a bit more than usual and has had a cold for ages which has increased his snoring no end!
Well done you on standing up for yourself Thomcat!

Milge · 29/11/2005 11:19

good on you, TC. Seems very reasonable to me. Dh was planning on going away for a weekend wedding the weekend i was taken into hospital with pre eclampsia, a week before my dt's were due. We had a huge row, and it was only when i asked him, which was more important to him, free beer or seeing his children born, that reality hit. As it turned out, the dt's wree born on the day before the wedding,so he could have gone after all.

highlander · 29/11/2005 11:51

I think DH went out 3 times without me when I was preggers.

TBH, I wouldn't have minded if he wanted to go out more, but I insisted on a "1 beer" rule until I was able to drink a bit again.

hatstand · 29/11/2005 12:23

Hi Thomcat, I think lying in bed wide awake getting annoyed with someone for doing something they can't help is horrible. And even worse if you're awake coz they woke you. It's a really npleasant feeling. I think at 36 weeks it wouldn't be at all unfair if you just tell him - nicely - that you really need a good nights sleep - that it's difficult to sleep anyway, you need to be ready for the birth etc etc. So many he can cut his nights out a bit - maybe just in terms of what time he gets back, rather than how often. As long as he realises that there are entirely rational reasons surely he'd be ok with it?

hatstand · 29/11/2005 12:26

just seen you've already told him. Didn't know he was a dj. does that mean he gets extra license for a glamorous life style?

Original poster
ThomCat · 29/11/2005 12:34

LOL - lying there awake listening to snoring is always going to be annoying isn't it. throw in the fact that they've woken you, it's 4am and you're 36 weeks pregant and oh MY GOD!
Those hormones can get evil

This weekend is the last time for a long time he gets to go out on a big one.
He'll be out from Saturday 8pm ish as he's DJing and then he goes on to hear rampling play. Ramplings retirement do and he's going to play till the last person leaves, and that person will be D! So I expect him home late evening on Sunday as he has Monday off work for this!

Then he has to hang up his dancing shoes for a while and is only allowed out if he gets a gig and not even then unless I've had the baby.

I reminded him last night, when he said I was breathing loudly (!!!) that we are having this baby, just becasue I have to be the poor bugger to carry it round and have it feed off me and sap me, doesn't mean it's not happening to him too etc etc.

(Had a bit of a hormonal rant, to say the least, at the breathing too loudly thing. I haven't been able to breathe through my nose since about 20 weeks!)

He knows he's got away with a lot and that I mean business now and as long as he keeps remebering to treat me like a Goddess we'll be ok!!

OP posts:
CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 29/11/2005 12:35

Bloody men!

motherinferior · 29/11/2005 12:36

A goddess in a particularly goddess-centred religion where anyone deviating from total goddess-worship had very nasty things happen to them.

sweetkitty · 29/11/2005 12:44

My DP tried the usual "it's my last chance at going out" for a while when I was pregnant with DD, I didn't mind that much but did make him sleep on the living room floor. He was out the Saturday night before I went into labour early on the Monday so it could have been a diaster.

This pregnancy he seems to remember I'm pregnant when it suits him. We usually take it in turns to get up if DD wakes in the night, just to put her back down put her quilt back on her etc but he has been moaning when it's his turn and last night she was crying and I had to wake him to tell him to go see her and he said "theres no point" so I had to go which makes me so as he knows I have SPD and it's really difficult for me to get out of bed. When I got back from settling her he was up for the toilet anyway