so meant to be going to a christening tomarrow with dc but estranged in-laws will be there

[NotInTheMood]

I feel sick, hurt and angry that they disowned us years ago over the most petty thing. Now we have to face them with dc in tow who haven't got a clue whom they are. It our dn christening so if we didn't go we would be letting bil down. At the same time I have to witness them with my dn, bil's daughter their grandchild. Sil will also be there and makes no effort with us we are not in favour with inlaws. Its hurtful any way as we really did not do anything wrong except not let them manipulate us and now I have to face all of dh family. I would phone ill but considering one of the guests has a 2 day old baby and is attending my excuse sounds quite lame

Just stay for the minimum polite period and leave, don't attempt any conversation and maintain a polite distance, do not rise to any comments!!

If there were no children involved I could handle it but my fear is that its going to upset me seeing mil with her other gc whilst she blantantly ignores mine

You need to rise above it.
Acknowledge that it will be hard, let the children mix and hold down that lump in your throat, your better than someone that would cut off their own family for a petty issue.

I feel for you. We don't go to dh's family gatherings because of this. (MIL might make a scene and we don't want to make it someone else's problem)

Tbh, I also refused to go to a recently family event because I felt it was a completely inappropriate setting for ds to be meeting his grandparents for the first time - for all parties involved.

If it makes you feel very uncomfortable for your sake then only you can decide whether bil's feelings are more important than yours. If you think it will be upsetting/confusing for your dcs though, then I think you're justified in not going.

Thank you for the replies. Ive been in tears and has knot's in my belly all week thinking about this. I will try and rise above it but I am only human. It made worse by the fact that's its a 2hour journey there and back.

Ring your bil and explain why you aren't coming. Some things in life just aren't worth it!

I'm sure, knowing the history, your bil will fully understand.

You will probably be massively relieved once you decide not to go.

Personally I would not go if it is going to cause you so much anxiety, it is not fair on your own child to put yourself through that.