Why cant i just bloody end it arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh

[GetItTogetherWummon]

Im not proud of myself but i have been having an affair for a couple of months.

Ive come to my senses and know i should end it. I love my Dh and i am so lucky to have him (before this fling started i was thinking of leaving my dh but this has just shown me how much i love him)

If i end it now, dh will never find out and i can make our relationship work. The other man wont be bothered that im ending it as he sees our relationship as very casual. Last time i saw him i just wanted to be at home with dh. I didnt want to be with him.

All i need to do is call him, i have the number in front of me, so why is it so hard to pick up the phone and just do it?

Please dont flame me. I know i have done wrong and am so ashamed of myself. I want my dh here so i can just hold him. It would kill him to ever find out.

Message withdrawn

Why is it going to be so hard to do? You say yourself that you know you want to end it, you love your dh, the other man won't be bothered, you don't want to be with him ... sounds like finishing the affair is going to be a lot easier than continuing it would be.

Pick up the phone and make the call.

I think its because although i dont have any feelings for this man and dont want to be with him, i really like having the time away from home. No kids, no responsibilites, and in that sense i guess i am using him (or his house at least) as much as he is using me.

Pathetic reasons i know. I thought i was stronger than this.

Not wanting to sound flippant - but can't you just go for coffee with a friend, or to the cinema, or shopping? That's time away from your responsibilities without the risk of destroying your marriage.

Read some of the following threads about affairs that have turned into seperation and now divorce proceedings. Read what Glitterfairy and mrsmiggins are going through with their children- after that how can you risk it all for this man who as you say you "don't have any feelings for"
The pain of being cheated upon (talking from bitter experience) and trying to save your family and your realtionship is indescribable- please appreciate your lovely dh and children and find ways to make your relationship with him "exciting" again.
It's just not worth it!

Im going to have to make the call, and if i dont do it right now then i will put it off and it wont get done.

its ringing

Did you do it?

That was surprisingly easy.

I just said id been thinking and that it wasnt right for us to carry on seeing each other and that it wasnt him, that it had been nice while it lasted and that it was better to end it before anyone got hurt.

He said, yes, ok fine. I understand and it was nice knowing you.

I said we could stay friends but we cant. I have deleted the phone number from my phone. He doesnt have my number or my address or anything and lives over an hour away from me so its unlikely we will bump into each other.

I cant believe ive done this, i really cant. I feel so sick. I am discusted with myself. How am i going to stop myself confessing to Dh? He is such a good man and this will kill him. I cant tell him, its better for him if he never finds out, I told no one i was seeing this man so there is know one that will let it slip. I cant believe what i have risked, i feel sick.

well done

Well done for doing what is right. Hopefully you can now make things better and more exciting with your DH and appreciate what you have. I think everyone in your situation learns the hard way that the grass isn't always greener!

GITW - I've been there and know how hard it is. I only stopped because DH (then DP) caught me!!! I just couldn't let go of this other man that made me feel really special. I worked with him every day which made it hard to avoid.

But after DH found out I stopped having lunch with him, but kept in contact via email. About 6mths later I found a new job and moved on. We've never kept in touch since. I still wonder about him sometimes. But would never go there again!

DH and I were having major problems and I was suffering from terrible PND when it happened. At the time I really wanted to leave DH, but having just had our 1st child I was terrified of being alone..... and suffering from bad PND I was terrified of myself too.

I never felt proud of it, but I felt that those few months brought me back to reality.

And being caught out FORCED me to face the issue and make a decision. I decided to stay with DH..... he has never forgiven me though and is an issue that we are going to have counselling to deal with.

Was it worth it? Well TBH looking back on it.... part of me wants to say YES!

How can i move on? Last night i just wanted to hold dh so much and cuddled him all night, he even asked me what was wrong. He is such a wonderful dad and dh. I am so lucky to have him - i know that know.

I guess i have to think about why it started in the first place. I was bored, i thought i wanted to leave dh, but i dont know why.

Meant to say WELL DONE!! You have so done the right thing and I admire you for that. GOD DON'T TELL YOUR DH!!

gosh toothache you sound so like me. I wouldnt even get out of bed some days, i dont know how dh put up with me. I feel like ive been shock really hard, like had a wake up call.

Put it behind you and get on with things. If you ever feel this way in your marriage again, perhaps you will be open and honest with your dh instead of going into the arms of another man. But the past is history, you can't change it so leave it be in the past and concentrate on the future with your dh.

For me it was complete and utter escapism. When I was with the other guy I didn't once feel depressed..... or feel in anyway Postnatal! I just felt like me and I laughed with him. I was suicidal at home.

Good on you for doing the right thing. And I agree with sackache (hate that name!) - don't tell your dh. Yes, you will feel bad and guilty but (going to be harsh now) - you should! Telling him will make him feel bad too and he hasn't done anything wrong. Put it behind you now and move on. I hope things get better with you and your dh.

I think my dh must know in some ways but has never done anything about it. He knew that i would be staying at someones house, and he thought it was a woman, her dh and there child. Except the woman didnt exsist.

I think it was like an escape, no kids, no housework, just me being me - not just a wife and mother.

I wish i could turn back time, but even then if i could i would just be turning it back to me wanting to leave dh cause i thought the grass was greener but its not. I know that now.

I cant wait for dh to get home, i want to hold him so much and tell him i love him.

Don't go overboard missus or he really will suspect! The day by dh brings me chocs and flowers for no reason will be the day I throw him out!