hi mumsnetters im still around

[fostermum]

all be it the other side of the world from where i wrote last!we been in new zealand for just over a month now i have a job and a car,but we are still staying at my "friends"
hence the problem, being an old love who i found on line, had 3 weeks lovely holiday here, had talks of a future if i was to come home to live, guess what hes changed his * mind,now ive moved here,he likes being single and doing what he wants whae he wants with who he wants,oh does that make me idiot of the centry!all be it a broken hearted one coz i always felt a lot for him, so now i dont know where i stand he lets his kids think we are an item, in the bedroom he talks like we are, but he takes off at a moments notice doesnt tell me where,or when he will be back he is emailing other woman during the day although he swears theres nothing between them,and if i ask him what he wants he says he doesnt know, CHEERS PAL!

have you got NZ residency? I mean you're not dependent on the relationship with him to stay in the country are you?

Fostermum, you don't need his bt! You've come a long way recently (literally!) and done so well. You don't need a man like this, who can't make his mind up. How can you feel relaxed with him if you're second guessing what he's gonna do next? Its hard when you have strong feelings, but I feel, looking at it from the outside, he wants to have his cake and eat it. You deserve better. Look what you've achieved. You are so strong.

havent got residency yet, he sponsered me and my daughter so we are kinda stuck

plus the fact i love him

do you want to stay in NZ?
if you do, you may have to work something out, like taking the relationship down a notch so that he doesn't feel boxed in - I don't mean that's what you are doing or that his behaviour is ideal, just that's how men's brains work, bless them - and also you would regain some ground on the self esteem front and be able to live out your probabtionary period in terms of getting residency in a convincing, to the authorities, way. IYSWIM

On the other hand you could just tell him to bog off and go back home and chalk it up to experience.

Hope you can get something sorted out

yes i want to stay here its where i grew up and thought of as home, as far as taking it down a notch thats what ive done i go out and do my own thing too, just seems so sad as if we are avoiding mentioning it, if fact he only does when hes drunk, i dont want to go back but feel so lonly at the moment,so i have to see