huge row last night. Marriage is over.

[scaredwhatsnext]

H and I had a huge row last night over his drinking.
On average he drinks 27-32 cans each week
He drinks 7 nights a week and starts reaching for a can within
an hour of getting home but still claims he doesn't have a drinking
problem. He called me names last night & accused me of
bad mother & wife because i come on mumsnet. He pointed out
the bits of housework that i didn't manage to do yesterday and
said thats because i was on here instead of doing "what i should be doing"
For the record the pc wasn't even switched on at all yesterday and i usually come
on here when the dc's are in bed for an hour in the evening instead of sitting
watching some boring war documentary on tv with dh. I'm still in the same room with
him so don't see it as a big deal.
He tells me how much he drinks is none of my business
My children 13 & 5 have made comments to him about drinking every day
and H blames this on me as he says i am bringing their attention
to it.
H told me not to make him choose between us & alcohol as
its the only pleasure in his life
An hour later he said our marriage is over.
What do i do now? I can't work as i have a disability and
he can not afford to move out.
I live in Ireland so not in the Uk.

Oh I think she could ask a lot more and still not be asking too much. He's in the habit of giving very little to his relationship & family and his current behaviour is foul. Also, this doesn't sound like it is a genuine attempt to address his alcoholism by her dh, it's just a temporary gesture to get her to STFU.

I agree he should go to the doctor, however.

Your right Fabby , but there's no way he will go to a doctor about this as in his opinion he doesn't have a problem with alcohol .
Our doctor is connected with dh's job so i can not even talk to the doctor about this .
Can't help but feel that no matter how this turns out our marriage is doomed :(

So he is an alcoholic then, clearly.

I wouldn't worry, re the DR. It's only a matter of time before the GP, assess him from the report they will get from the hospital anyway.

Especially if he is in a job with a position of responsibility with Dr's part of the package, I can think of many where this would be a problem. They may want to look at his dependency and mental health.

Buzz exactly . Dh is only doing this to get me to STFU and leave him to it .

Very sad situation. You can't make him change, if he doesn't want to do it. You have to just leave him to it, and get him out. You can't let you or your DCs go through this.

Is there a particular reason he won't buy his own beer? Has he been banned from the shop maybe?

Have to say, what really stood out to me was the part in your OP where you said your DCs always comment about the drinking. If a little 5yo child can perceive that daddy drinks too much, that's really not a good sign :(

Problem is with alcohol is that it is incredibly easy to lie about intake. Unless he's actually still got alcohol in his blood when they test him, it's difficult to prove anything. Also indicators like liver function (if you believe he's telling the truth about passing the medical!) can give a false view - DH was an alcoholic for 15yrs but his liver is, somehow, perfect - but that doesn't mean he didn't have a serious problem (he's absolutely fine now)

No reason why he won't buy his own alcohol , he just likes to send me down to get it for him . I reckon he is embarrassed deep down and doesn't want to bump into any work colleagues (lots of them live in my area) . I wouldn't know any of them though as he works in a huge company .

So why do you get it for him then? Sorry to be pushy on this point but I think it may be quite relevant.

I think so too fairenuff