Oh my god, social services have contacted DP, am distraught please please help!

[desperateforadvice]

Cam home from work at the weekend (gone three hours) to find Dp unconscious on the floor, he's soiled himself. Found two bottles of wine and later some prescription meds I didnt know he was on (nerve pills).

Couldnt rouse him so called for an ambulance.

Anyway, he spent one night in a and e, no psychiatric evaluation or anything he just said it was a 'mistake.'

He had a phone call at work today from man saying he was from social services and could a lady called X come to see him tomorrow as she was in the area, she aas supposed to ring back but didnt.

Am now totally and utterly panicking, is this normal practice, I have no objection to them wanting to check up as the paramedics were aware that Dp was left in charge of the DC (I told them I was so bloody upset and angry!) but how have they got his work tel number (and initially they asked for our son's name not him althoughthey realised there mistake when DP pointed it out. I doidnt tell the paramedics his name and that just makes me more stressed and upset, how have they got this information.

I should say that DP will never be left in sole charge of the dp at night time again (I have never known him drink anything at all in the day). Thankfully it was just a little part time job, I work in thre day normally.

We have never been in touch with SS for any reason before. DP struggles with deprerssion and other issues but is normally a 'good' dad.

Please tell me they wont be taking my children, I am in such a bad way.....

Desparate, I am going through a similar crisis with my DP, who also has needed help for along time. Finally got MHT on board and is now on meds and being visited @ home several times a week. These people are there to help and will be able to support you. Please be brave, I know it is really hard. I also had to call 999 on Thursday because DP, took an overdose with Wine, so Know what you are going through. Luckly my DC are older. You NEED your DP to get a help, please keep posing there are some wonderful people on here who can help

Huge (((hugs))) for you, OP.

Of course he can't spin them a line. There's no way drinking two bottles of wine can be ignored, which would be more than enough to render most people entirely incapable, with or without meds.

You're doing exactly the right things. If he seeks help, and I mean really seeks help and sticks with it, then SS can give him support (and show you how best to support him - it's sometimes counterintuitive). If he doesn't seek help then it's his choice but the consequence is that he can't live in the same house as you and the DCs. It's really not your problem if he doesn't have anywhere to stay in that scenario.

Orchidlady - sorry to hear about your DP's overdose, but in a way it's good that things have come to a head. Thinking about you too.

Desparate, I am going through a similar thing @ the moment, my dp also needed help for some time and was in denial. He is now on meds and seeing MHT several times a week. Please believe that SS will be there to help you. I also needed to call 999 on Thursday after dp took overdose with wine, so Know how you feel, it is really scary, please try and stay calm and be brave. Your dp needs help now and so do you. Please keep posting as there are some wonderful people on here who can offer help and support.

Sorry double posted as the thought the first one did not work, duh!!

curious here - during the episode - did your DP at any point call you to say "I am feeling sick can you come please" during his "bad reaction"?

if it was you - presumably you might have thought to reach for phone and call for help .... ?

you have said your DP needs help - use this to get help for him and to protect your children - SS can actually help you with this

Thank you all for your kind words. I never thought I would find myself in this 'situation'.
To the outside world we seem like a 'normal' reasonably happy family living in comfortable circs.
I will have to let the childrens nursery know this has happened as I expect the Social worker will want to check if they have concerns.
All sorts of thoughts are going through my head now, there will be forever and a day a 'file' on our little family. I will be feeling like they are waiting for hiom/us to cock up again (even though i know this is not true).

orchid I have huge huge sympathy for you, I really do, I think this is one of the worst places in the world to be If you ever wanted to pm me I would gladly offer my support etc.

I'll be back on later to update .

What a horrrible, frightening time you have had.

But seriously, don't add Social Services to the list of horrible and frightening things happening.

Had they contacted your DH they may have been ofrm the adult mental health SS team - because what may or may or nit be a suicide attempt may well be SS territory, too - you know, to support your DH.

Be very honest and open with them, it's clear that you are a responsible parent, YOU know you are aware of what he is like and won't leave him with them again, but they don't know you from Adam - can you imagine if you were equally as vulnerable as your DH, or negilgent or otherwise incapable and soemthing happened? It would all be in the DM and the MN massive would be condemning SS for not checking!

They may well have some good advice for you - have a think through some questions you might like to ask, such as what help might be available to DH, what's the best way of getting it, if you wanted to leave is there any help they could offer you?

Dont panic. Be honest and open with social services and take any help they offer. I was refered and i made myself ill with worry. The SW was great.

Obviously with what has happend they have to check and make sure your DC's are ok.

Do not try and lie your way out of it

Would never lie to them, I think in a way I 'wanted' something like this to happen (not the dc being left vulnerable but and 'incident' that would be a turning point) as I had run out of ideas for helping DP.

The ambulance crew wouldnt have know about the kids but I told them as I was so upset about it all.

Desperate, same if you want to pm later that is fine, perhpas I can give you some insight into how I eventually got dp to accept help. Good luck with the meeting, keep strong and calm ( hard I know)

I'm sure SS will just be wanting to ensure the children won't be placed at risk like that again.

God job your DP thought to tell and involve you. They haven't contacted you directly themselves and your DP is hoping to spin them a 'line' - what if you hadn't been told about this meeting and weren't there to have your say?! Please ask the social worker to ensure she contacts you directly in future (ask politely obviously).

You sound so overwraught - do you have any local support?

This could be an ideal opportunity for your partner to be directed into some help and support. Hope meeting goes okay, will be thinking of you.

Have you tried AlAnon (families of Alcoholics)? They will know the legal position etc and point you in the right direction for support for you, dp, dc. Don't panic, lots of people go through this, it is shit - but it can get better

Make sure you emphasise that you would never ever have left your DCs alone with him if you had thought for one moment that he might put them at risk. The last thing you wanted to do is give the impression that you thought he would crack and harm himself, but you still went ahead and left the DCs with him thinking this.

Desperate how did your meeting go? any update?

I would be SEETHING that he's more interested in hiding his OWN drink & mental health problems than being responsible for the children! It's terrible that he was depressed enough to do that - but it doesn't seem to have been any kind of a wake-up call to him; he was only bothered about what people thought

If I were you, OP, I'd be calling SS myself and asking them to come back.

I am very sorry this is happening to you and your family. It's time to face facts I think :(

Agree garlic.

I don't think your partner realises the enormity of this situation.

It is likely ss will have been called by the staff in the hospital.

Did a shift last night - paramedics brought in a mum who had overdosed on her antidepressants, washed down with vodka. Concerned neighbour heard baby crying for hours, look through window and found mum comatose over the kitchen table. Called 999. Known to us in MN Unit, so I went to see her in A&E, paramedic who brought her in told me about the baby (who the neighbour took in), I told my boss, my boss phoned social services....it happens all the time. Within an hour of her being admitted.

Hello All
just wanted to update all the people that were kind enough to reply.
Well SS lady came out, Dp was here as well obviously. She went through thre referral which sure enough had come from a staff nurse at the hospital (in a weird way am pleased that people do actually make these referrals!)
She was very nice, professional but firm with Dp.
Explained what had ahppened from my POV, and above all I have reassured her that I will not be leaving the DC with Dp in sole charge until (and if) I am satisfied that he is fully competent again. Dp was honest and didn't spin any 'lines' I think he reaslised it was fairly popintless with me sat next to him.

She said it was not her job to tell him what needed to change with him but asked him what he thinks needs to happen to make sure this doen't happen again. He said that he has been very depressed and needs help with this and he is willing to go to see a psychiatrist and take whatever help is offered. We will see, but I think this is make or break for him now and if he doesn't take some brave and positive steps at this time then he probably never will

Whilst she was there I re-iterated to him that if this type of incident (labiole mood, putting Dc in anytype of danger) goes on I will have to asj him to leave the home to maintain a stable emotional feeling for the DC.
She agreed that if they had any more referrals they might start to think along these lines as well and I think this did 'sink in' as he got quite tearful and went quiet which is unusual for him. She will now be contacting DC1's s nursery to check if they have any concerns and then she will be writing a report which we get a copy of and if her supervisor agrees then the case will be closed. (THANK GOD!!)

Having said that if I was struggling big time with Dp in the future I might consider contacting them as I found her visit helpful, although i would still prefer that it hadn't been necessary.

Am now off to have a bath and try to wind down a bit as its been one hell of a horrible week.

oh, well done dfa.

I'm really pleased that you found the visit helpful overall - it sounds as if she was very constructive, and hopefully your DP will have had the jolt he needs in order to help himself.
Well done you for putting your children first and taking stock of the situation.
Enjoy your bath and I really hope things start to improve for you, and for your DP, from now on.

well done.
is up to DP to follow thru now and get help next week

and if he does not then will be down to you to decide what to do next...but at least you have support there

Well done from me, too. I really hope this is the start of an upward curve for all of you. Do reach out for help when you need it - at least, now, you know you can trust them!

Wishing you a peaceful weekend :)

Well done my love.Heres hoping that you and yours get back on track.You sound like a lovely woman. Mx.

dfa - glad the meeting with the SS lady was a positive one. Hopefully he got the wake up called required to seek help for his depression.

You have done everything just right, and I know how horrible it's been. SS are there to help you, and it's a good idea to see her as a support in this rather than "the enemy". So as you say, do keep in contact with her and seek her support if you need to. She's on your side and the kids side, and will do everything she can to keep the family together, providing he seeks help and this doesn't happen again. She'll support you and your kids and ensure you keep together, if he doesn't.

I think the next week will be make or break for your husband's wellbeing - he needs to take the necessary steps to see a psych. If he doesn't then you can't force him, so then will be the time to contact SS, tell them what you are doing regarding the children, to keep them in the loop. I know she said "case closed", but from working with SS, I know that cases never close - it means, "closed for now - will be reopened if necessary". Open dialogue with them is crucial for your wellbeing and for the kids. And don't forget the GP - you may need him/her to help you. You do have to be a bit selfish in this, because you and your kids are paramount - he's an adult, and will hopefully realise he needs help, but if not, seriously consider your options.

Well done and good luck.

OP - just to reassure you, I work in A&E and EVERY time we get someone in who has self-harmed, or found incapable through drink or drugs, we fill in a child in need referral if they live with, or have some responsibility for, children. Doesn't matter if the children were present at the time, this is ALWAYS done. We usually get the details of the child(ren) from the patient themselves, and unless we think the patient may become aggressive and harm us, we have to tell them that we have done this. So please don't worry that your DP was considered 'extra-bad', or anything like that, it's TOTALLY standard practice.