Finally told DH about my debt

[theressomethingaboutmarie]

Had a turn for worse regarding my depression and anxiety yesterday and whilst talking with husband about it, finally blurted out that I owed a significant amount of money. I've managed it pretty well but him not knowing was eating me up. The majority of what I owe is from when he was out of work for a year and I was just trying to make ends meet. I feel a relief that I've finally told him but also overwhelming sadness and shame at my predicament.

Good on you for telling him - I was in a very similar situation a few years ago and while it was very difficult to tell my DP it was also far easier to deal with once she knew. We went to our local Citizens Advice Bureau who were massively helpful, wrote to our creditors for us and helped us sort out repayment plans. If you have a local branch I'd definitely recommend them.

Thanks KEstryn; the debt is managed well in terms of not missing payments, timely payments etc but DH was a little baffled that we weren't better off than we are each month. It was horrible telling him, just horrible. I have to learn that I am really not good with money. I've shredded my credit cards and will be closing those accounts. I feel such a failure.

I do know how you feel but if you're managing it well - and it sounds like you are - then you're NOT a failure. It happens to millions of people and it sounds like you were having a pretty hard time. Surely the important thing is that you DID make ends meet when you had to and now you're facing up to the consequences and dealing with them?

Well done for telling him. Must be a relief. you've said the debts arose from keeping things together while your DH was out of work - that's not 'not good with money', you did the best you could with what sounds like little support. How did your husband think you were living while he was out of work? It must have been a great worry for you at the time.

Can you and DH now share the financial management between you? It's not fair for that burden to fall to one person. Www.moneysavingexpert.com is a great site for getting help and support with debt and budgeting, I really recommend it. Their debt free wannabe forum is also a good resource.

Good luck for getting free of debt.

You've done well telling him, and you can move forward now. It doesn't sound like you were just pissing money away on random luxuries, he was out of work, so it's not anyone's fault.

I am curious though, why did you feel you couldn't tell him how bad things were at the time?

Well done! Things always get better when you begin to face up to them and deal with them. That is the hardest part of any problem. It's a shame you couldn't talk about it before hand, but don't beat yourself up over that, concenrtate on making plans for the future and making sure that you are dealing with things together in future.
I imagine you didn't want to tell him in order to not make him feel worse about not being out of work. That is understandable, but it should be a partnership, not one person shouldering the burden.
Anyway, that money saving expert website is very good, there is a lot of support on there from other people trying to get out of debt.
I second the recommendation to see the CAB and sort out a repayment plan you can afford. I'm sure they will help you. perhaps if you are on one income you may also be entitled to some benefits?