How do I get him to treat me as an equal?

[blossomgirl]

We are really hard up at the moment. DP leaves all the finances to me, and I know he's worse than useless at budgeting. Thing is, every time he overspends I have to make cuts to keep us level. its got bad enough that sometimes i (not him) eat next to nothing for a day or so before pay day, and like today I get paid and have to transfer all the money to his account to reconcile the bloody extras he's been having. Ohh Grr. How do I get him to see how this is unfair without getting nasty??

Yes, I do see what you mean. Kind of made me smart a little so there is something of truth in the thought that i might not always have been true to my word [ouch]. More to ponder.

Its mash for tea, I ate the egg with small boy at lunch x Actually i'm going out in the snow to the shops for a bit of veg for a bean hot-be-reasonable-pot. Free fun before Pocoyo. I'll remember what you said. Thanks Colditz you're very nice to bother with this.

Hi Pagan, is that what it is? He always runs off in one way or another. I'll keep that in mind tonight

You would have thought he'd have learned his lesson after last time though?

He's also using your faults against you to try and get you to ease off him, its the same with the 'Oh, I might not come home tonight' line. Dont back down.

Did you put the idea of a new account(for bills) to him? £7 a day, not including petrol and food isnt that bad really you know. Thats not to say he should spend it on crap mind, but try not to worry too much.

We've settled into a un-upset evening, and agreed without too much pharrp and no discussion to talk tomorrow. Little by little we are heading into new ground here, and i'm keeping strong and determined.

Yes you would have thought he'd leaned by now. Some old papers and photos of his came back to him from and ex recently, and in there was a notice to reposses his house from the 80's. He doesn't know I saw it. But i'm still hopeful of getting what I expect from him (equality). I think he realises that.

I told him earlier "I try to be there for you [with his problems] and this just eats me up. I don?t care if youre no good with money. The bank can add up."

I've never held my ground about this before, and your right madmarchhare, standing my ground is turning out to be very important.

ps we do have an account just for bills, and one where his spending money is transfered to. The problem is that he has just helped himself from the cheque (bill) account when his cash account card "wouldn't give him any cash" (no shit sherlock !!) and spent upto the limit on his credit card.

Thank goodness there is a comfortable atmosphere here at the moment, its going to take alot to hold it in tomorrow after 5hrs at work. Still he did ask me to read a letter he has written to his daughter (grown up with problems) so its not all barriers. Thank you for being there x

Hang in there, shall be thinking of you [hug emoticon] (we really need to get a hug one]