Splitting up - how much do you need to live on?

[Octopus3]

In some ways, it's more of a IABU than anything else but it's a too scary place for me to go atm.

I am on the verge of splitting up with H and currently looking at how I could support myself and the dcs wo him.
So, I went to CAB this week to check what I would be entitled to re working tax credit, child tac crdit etc... Based on their calculation + my current income + H maintenance, I would be getting about £400 a week, so £1600 a month (if all goes to plan).

Now in my book, this would be enough for all 3 of us to live on, pay the morgage etc...
The CAB advisor told me there is no way i could afford to pay the morgage on the house with that. That this was very little to live on and I would really struggle.

Could you tell me whether I am totally deluded or is she? That sort of disposible income sounds OK to me but she suddenly fricked me out completely and I am having second thought on whether splitting up just now is such a good idea after all.

Food

• Morgage
• Water
• Gaz & Elect
• Council tax
• Car insurrance - CAR TAX, CAR MOT and service
• Petrol
• Tel & internet - TV licence
• Children activities
• Childcare
• House Insurance, Building Insurance

I'm a single parent with 2 DC and a similar sized mortgage to you. I do it all on £1200 a month after tax and national insurance and factoring in tax credits etc. I manage ok, though there is never anything left over at the end of the month. You could try www.moneysavingexpert.com for tips on saving money and excellent guidance on how to produce a realistic budget.

Good luck.

ivvy than you, I had forgotten about them too.
No TV licence in our house, we don't have a TV but all the rest is certainly valid!

What area do you live in? Until quite recently our family (5 of us) were living off of less than £1500 a month. It depends if you are able to cut down on stuff.

Okay, well I had a look at my budget roughly to give you an idea of what's possible. I have £1234 coming in each month in housing benefit, tax credits (child and working) and child benefit. I'm self employed but my business isn't making any money at the moment.
My rent is £675 a month and I have a monthly loan repayment of £98. So after rent and loan I have £461 per month to live on, for me and DS who is 3. We don't run a car or pay council tax, but have a tv license and broadband, and then there's food and bills. I live in the south west where water is the most expensive in the UK as we have to maintain all that lovely coastline so bills might be a bit cheaper elsewhere in the country.

Just to give you an idea of what we're living on. :)

I don't want to worry you but your figures seem to assume that H will simply move out and be able to afford to buy another house/pay rent elsewhere.

Is there any equity in the house ?

If so you need to factor in the split of assets on divorce and whether you will be required to buy whatever H's share of that equity is deemed to be.

Is the mortgage in joint names ?

If so you need to find out the cost of removing H fom the mortgage (lenders like to make up in fees what they are not getting in interest rates these days) . Will they let you do this or will they insist on a remortgage and what fees/ change in interest rates will this result in ?

He will need to pay maintenance but you need to sort out the likely split of assets (mostly just the Former Marital Home) too as it may have an impact on your outgoings.

Family home doesn't have to be sold until youngest is 18 Rotten.

Rotten, you beat me to it. There's a lot of assumption here that DH simply vanishes without any demands of his own, won't want a share of the house and will pony up maintenance each month without quibble. Oh and did CAB help you work out if a mortgage company will lend you the money or allow you to take over the mortgage?

When I split up with my ex, my ex naively assumed I'd have the kids 50% of the time but calculated I'd pay her full maintenance as though I didn't see them at all.

And one of the biggest tips I can give to any prospective single parent is not to rely upon the maintenance to stay the same or be paid on time, if at all.

Saffysmum, that's a generalisation and not something supported in practice. Often the fact that the parents have split up and the reduced finances means that its an economic necessity to sell the house.

Re the house.
I am in no doubt that there is an issue with that and that we will need to find an agreement. I might stay where I am until the dcs are 18yo. I might stay until the house is sold (which will take some time because the house will need quite a it of owrk done in it to be presentable and sellable).
There is also the possibility that I am 'buying him out' (but unlikely as i can not live on my slary on its own. I do need the tax credit and his maintenance to do so - at least at the moment. In the medium term, the idea is that I will live from what I earn. Tax credit and Child maintenace would an 'extra' iyswim).
What ever is decided, there are 2 different issues. The very short term (Can do feed, cloth and give a roof to my dcs and myself?) and what will happen in a more medium term (house sold or not, who is pon the morgage etc...)

As for my H having the dcs 50% of the time.... My goal is for him to have them every other weekend. And perhaps one evening a week so I can work the folloing morning (very early start - couldn't find a CM to look after them). But I am acutely aware that I might not even get that.

Re H being able to live somewhere else. I do know that he will be able to live/rent somewhere else. Even after paying maintenance, he will still have more disposable income than me with the 2 dcs! He won't be able to buy someting straight away (would need a deposit that he won't have) and that would probably be the one reason why he will probably want to sell the house. However, on my point view, this is a next step. I will cross it when i come to it.

What I suggest you do OP is use a spreadsheet and come up with a few different scenarios. So for example what if:

1. H doesn't pay maintenance
2. H wants kids at weekends & one night per week and how that affects your reduced maintenance
3. H pays maintenance at full whack
4. Impact of above along with H wanting to sell house or take a deposit from equity.

Right now you are focusing too much on the as you put it, "the very short term" which will only last a couple months, if that. From experience what you need to do is actually focus on the longer term and less on the short term. The short term rarely works the way you want anyway because soon it will degenerate into a big emotional mess as you both fight for what's "best".

Lastly, you are also assuming he will move out. What if he refuses? He's perfectly entitled to stay in the marital home.

I know I am focusing on the short term. There is a good reason for that : I've been putting off leaving because I have been too scared to do so - my excuse has laways been that I couldn't afford it and I do need to get over it!

Now I need to move out. So I need to know that things will be sort of OK, at least to start with.
If he doesn't want to move out, I can and would apply for housing benefit (which I would get) amd move out but hopefully it won't happen (NOT because I want to stay in this house but because I would like to keep things as stable as possible for the dcs to start with. That includes them not changing school as they have already done so last september).

Again my plan is to be able to live wo relying on H maintenance. But I have strated my business less than a year ago and I can not tell when i will be financially independant - even if all the signs are very good. That's why I am talking about mefium term. but it could also happen in less than 6 months time. I just don't want to plan on that as it is not so easy to forecast.

TBH, H will be in a better place separated, financially (even paying the whole 20% CSA). As for the cds, he doesn't enjoy being with them so I suspect that, in some ways, it will be a relief not to come home to 2 children in the pm. Hopefully that will also allow him to better dad (or not but that's his choice) if he sees them on a less frequent basis.

Sorry Niceguy - I was quoting what my solicitor told me in my case about the family home, I realise this doesn't always apply in every case.

OP - if he doesn't pay Child Maintenance, then CRB will deduct it from his wages at source - for 2 kids it's 15% of his monthly take home pay, for 3 kids 25% of same. It's the law that he pays it - they set the amount and he has no choice.