Quick...should I say anything when DH gets back?

[pie]

Dh has gone to pick DD1 up from nursery. In our joint email account I saw an email saying that he had got some money in his paypal account. I looked at the account, wondering where he got the money from...

To cut a long story short, his grandpa sent it day DD2 was born, and I' ve just seen that he used it to pay his mobile bill...whole lot gone!!

What with hormones and everything, am now quite upset, firstly cos he didn't tell me about the money, secondly cos it went on HIS flipping bill.

Don't really want stress, so don't know whether I should say anything. I know he will feel bad anyway as we are always broke, but I'm pissed.

Or should I just let it go.

Need to compose myself before he gets back as I'll only upset DD1 if I start wailing again.

Oh god. Personally I would ask him about it. Try not to be too confrontaional about ti but you do deserve to a) Know about the money in the first place and b) Make a joint decision as to how it will be used.

Sorry thats not ve helpful. Best of luck

I'd definitely ask him about it!

i think you should let him know you know IYKWIM cause it will only bug you and eat away until it comes out then it may cause more probs "why didnt you say at the time" as a war cry comes to mind. HTH.

LOOBIE
xxx

Maybe wait until DD1 is in bed and asleep? Then there's one less reaction to worry about. But yes, I would confront him about it - that's not on.

Could you conceivably have seen that the money has come in, but not seen that he's used it to pay his phone bill? If so, just say that you've just seen that granpa sent some money, wasn't taht nice of him, must remember to send a thank you note and what shall we do with it darling?

Oh Pie, money confusion can be so difficult in relationships. I'd be upset too, and probably think the worst right away, BUT WAIT... its probably a confusion not a deceit.

A) He may have just used it to pay off the mobile bill as it was easy to do in that way - so the money for your DD2 still exists, its just in your account instead of another one.
B)It may genuinely have slipped his mind (those first days are busy) or
C) he may have mentioned it when you were busy doing something else and it slipped your mind - especially if he didn't indicate how much it was.

I'd try to treat it like A) I think... deep breathes required though.

Me too, but I would try to be understanding re broke-ness. He may just be juggling cash flow...Do you know if the ££ from granpa came with any intent, like a pressie for your baby? Bear in mind he may see it as more 'his' as it came from his side of family...not necessarily fair in whatever agreement you have about money....but find out his motivation / feelings before going off at deep end.
Good luck

Agree with prufrock...let him know you know the money's come in (email in your joint account after all) and leave it up to him to come clean.

I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but this isn't the first time something similar has happened.

What mine is ours, whats his is his iykwim.

But it will eat away at you if you don't talk about it, I agree with that.

pie I agree with prufrock, I would let him know that you know that granpa has sent the baby some money and ask him what should we spend the money on????

I would ask him about it, maybe he was going to tell you about it anyway. If you are short of money maybe he thought it would be one less bill to worry about. I wouldnt agrue about it as you have alot more to worry about at the moment - like your lovely little baby

Pie, I'd go with Prufrock in theory but in practice would probably blurt out "what the f* are you doing paying your phone bill with that money and why haven't you told me about it?" My hormones would almost certainly make me do the latter but not sure I'd recommend it tbh. Let us know what he says.

I am afraid that I would shout ever so loudly at this one. I would also insist that he replace the money for the baby.

Well, DH came home and I tried to act ok, as I didn't want to get into anything infront of DD1, but apparently I looked so angry he knew something was wrong straight away.

So I just said that I was upset that he didn't tell me and that it went on one of the least important bills we have at the moment. And that if he doesn't want me to know these things then he should change his emails and passwords.

He said he wasn't trying to keep it a secret and figured he would get rid of one more bill. To which I replied that I would have liked to decide what to do with the money together.

Anyway he grovelled all evening, I cried. I think that we have made up, though I'm still upset.

No chance of him replacing the money anytime soon, as he isn't working to look after me right now.

Thanks anyway peeps, I think that if I hadn't posted here I would have been hysterical by the time he walked through the door, as it was I cried like a banshee but felt composed on the inside.

Bonjour Pie. It sounds like you handled it really well... I never manage to feel composed on the inside when I'm crying like a banshee! Glad things are better for selfish reasons too- you always divide my house down gender lines when you row with Sabian!

Pie agree with scummy, you sound like you handled it well
hugs xxx
doormat