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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

feeling pushed

2 replies

notsorted · 04/07/2011 20:59

Hi, have posted before re messy relationship. It finally imploded, led to social worker involvement and now in hands of solicitors. He contacted police to claim I'd harassed him, also went to a solicitor and got a warning letter -- unfounded accusation according to police and my solicitor. He gets legal aid so mediation was suggested. I've been working out lots and via solicitor, counsellor, helpline have had it suggested that relationship was abusive.
I don't feel ready for mediation re his contact with DS -- there are issues over his temper with my DD (not his), with me etc and social work involvement, so questions of safety.
Looked at issues of mediation when abuse involved and tend to think I would feel pushed to his agenda and not strong enough to express my side coherently. It is less than three weeks since it all exploded.
Obviously feel bad that DS is not seeing his father, but wanted to canvas opinion on how to proceed. I basically want to deal with a rational person who can talk about parenting honestly, but feel that he is very far from being rational at the moment and I have stuff to deal with before I feel strong enough to face him and think through whole contact issue.
Any advice?

OP posts:
Jellykat · 04/07/2011 21:44

I can completely understand why you wouldn't feel strong enough to face him, having come out of an abusive relationship myself.

Have you contacted Womens Aid at all? If you they have a drop in centre near you, i'd go and have a one to one.. they will be able to offer you support and advice about the situation.

Best of luck x

Original poster
notsorted · 04/07/2011 21:55

Tks, am going to see a counsellor this week re whole abuse thing. I keep going round in my head wondering what I could have done differently and am I doing the right thing now.
It's not quite the classic thing where I try to get out. He walked -- there was/is ow involved but doesn't want to address any of the past just see his son and not accept effect of his shouting at either of the DCs or fact that he behaved really weirdly when relationship was off/on over past few months.

OP posts:
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