DH has just driven away - I want to cry

[TotallyUtterlyDesperate]

We have just had a massive row and he has driven away, saying he will come for his clothes tomorrow. We have been married for 23 years and have had the usual ups and downs. At the moment, things are very difficult indeed. DH is disabled and retired from work in his 40s, DS1 is 21 and has ASD and DS2 is home from Uni. I have a serious long term illness and have struggled back to work after being off for months. One issue is that I am incredibly frustrated by the fact that I can't speak above a whisper, so can't express my feelings at all.

I lost my temper this evening as I felt that everyone was cutting me off and I couldn't speak. DH blocked me from leaving the room - just stood there stopping me from getting past. I just lost it and thumped him - not very hard. He just wouldn't let me get a word in. So it is all my fault and my DH has gone!

Can you text him to say that you want to work things out and can you set some time to talk to each other openly and honestly about a way forward?

wow, sounds like you are having a really tough time at the minute

are you getting help for your voice? sometimes a house full of men can be a little over bearing. i had my tonsils out 2 weeks ago so i can relate to not being heard it is a nightmare.

however, if you had come on here and said your dh had hit you know what everyone would say dont you?

your DH in my opinion was right to walk away for the sake of avoiding further arguing or potential violence. It sounds like you are very frustrated but it may be an idea to seek some help for your anger at the minute.

he will come back and you will be able to talk, you need to let each other calm down for now though

I think maybe you should give each other some space. I'd certainly leave it tonight, and maybe text/call in the morning when you've both calmed down. And I'd apologise for hitting him, and take it from there.

Hopefully he will calm down and realise you were acting out of frustration and not meaning to hurt him. Sounds like the whole family is under a huge amount of stress and you need to be tolerant of each other. Are you getting support from somewhere?

Can you get a friend round to be with you now?

Thanks for your replies. Unfortunately DH doesn't have a mobile, so I can't get in touch with him. I do feel really shamed of thumping him - he was holding one of mu arms and blocking me from leaving the room at the time though. Yes I am very angry - not really at him, more at the situation. I am so scared of losing my job due to ill health.

Oh and I don't have any friends. The DSs are hiding in their rooms - don't blame them.

I would leave it for now, maybe you could write everything down in a letter and give it too him when he comes tomorrow. And dont feel ashamed of thumping him, i would have done the same, he shouldn't have stood infront of you and blocked you. Give yourself (and him) time to calm down.

He is back and we have just had a big talk about what is happening to us. He wants me back like I used to be in the early days of our marriage (in other words, before I had to deal with a grumpy, pain-ridden DH). I can see what he means, but I don't think I can change back into that happy, young, carefree person that I once was. After all, he isn't the same person he once was either.

OK, actually, blocking someone from leaving is violent, just as much as hitting someone in fact. So there was violence on both sides here. TBH sounds like he's being a tosser with the whole wanting you back how you were before thing, as you say, he's not the same as he was! Would he go to relationship counselling or something? Maybe someone objective pointing out that things aren't the same and they do change would be helpful.