OK. I am looking for advice. I don't need to be told how stupid, immature, pathetic, egocentric and wrong I was. I know all that already.
twenty years ago, when I was 22 years old, I had a stupid, idiotic affair with a 45 year old married man. I was on an extended holiday and for boring reasons was billeted in his house. He lived alone (his wife, who was his age, had been living in another country for the previous three months)... anyway. I allowed it to happen. I was on the rebound from my own relationship...and basically it was an adventure. I am not proud of it. It lasted around six weeks, I returned to England, he came to visit me once for five days in the UK, I spent two weeks holiday with him and then I ended it a few months later. So it lasted over six months in total, but we were together for only two months of that. A month into our affair his wife flew back to the country and the affair continued even though she was around (I remember him saying his wife was ok with it, though i knew that couldn't be the case). I was not in love with him (I was on an appalling rebound so I briefly thought i might be) but he thought he was in love with me.
Anyway. I have often felt guilty about it, specifically for his wife (and felt that my own partner cheating on me, as he did numerous times, was some kind of payback). This man actually wrote to me six or seven years ago and told me his wife had left him and I wrote back and said 'well done her' (he had slept with at least ten women before me, and many women after me - when he was married).
This weekend I received a letter from the (now divorced) wife, twenty years after the event. She wrote it as if it had all happened yesterday. She said how could I do it, and I'd made her so miserable, and how could I have been so cruel etc etc. I wrote back immeadiately basically saying what I said at the startof this - I'd been stupid, immature and pathetic and I deeply regretted it and was sorry for any incredibly pain I'd caused her - and if she had any questions she should ask.
She has now written back saying that she wants to meet (we live in different countries and neither of us speaks the others language. these letters are being mediated through google translate...).
Now here is where I need advice. The thing is: this was a very brief affair that happened twenty years ago. I was young, not very very young, but young. I'm not the same person now. I have apologised profusely and mean every word. I have offered to explain anything she needs explaining (although I can barely remember any of it). I am horrified this is all so alive for her, and yet... I really do not want to meet. Not least, because I am a bit taken aback by how raw this is for her years and years and years on.Given that there were others before me, and others after me, and I believe she has been divorced for years...it seems a bit extreme.
My instinct is to say I'd prefer not to meet, but (to say again) I'm very happy to answer by e-mail any questions she may have.
Your views greatly appreciated.