I am a regular but have namechanged. Not sure why, just feel ashamed at the association of the situation. Forgive this post for being a bit incoherent. I will be omitting information but only because there is so much shit to explain I can't possibly write it all down. I will try, I just want some kind of advice, I have no idea what to do about this.
Background: I am about to get married and live with my DP and our 5 month old DS in the same town as my mum (and dad). My brother lives with my mum. She has been an alcoholic for at least 15 years that I can recall (brother and I are mid twenties). Dad left when we were 15 - I still have a good relationship with him, brother not so much. I left home at 17 because I couldn't deal with her alcoholism anymore. She has always been emotionally abusive with me. Brother was always "off the rails" even before dad left. He used dad leaving as an excuse to continue using drugs (as he had done since age 12) and to treat my mum and me like shit, and to avoid doing anything with his life - didn't finish school and hasn't done a day's work in his life. Mum supports him fully, paying his food, clothes, alcohol and cigarettes. She is a teacher and earns less than I do, so obviously has never been able to afford this and has run up tens of thousands in debts trying to do so. He won't claim benefits because he claims he is too "paranoid" to go to sign on. He doesn't leave the house on his own, only with mum, mostly to go to Cash Converters to pawn her jewellery, cameras, etc to fund his upkeep and their cigarette and alcohol addictions. He was a drug addict (pills, coke, weed throughout his teen years), he has been an alcoholic for probably the past 3 years. It is self-perpetuating because mum buys him alcohol, cigarettes, etc, to assuage HER guilt about being an alcoholic. They both complain about each other to me, but both refuse to do anything about it - he won't leave, she won't kick him out, etc etc.
There are a lot of worrying incidents that have happened over the past few years involving both of them, alcohol and violence (him towards her) and during my pregnancy last year she was saying more and more that he was attacking her and destroying her house (the latter I have seen evidence of - also I know he has form as he did this when we were teens). He would deny it and say that she was making it up. It is difficult to know who is telling the truth, or even whether they know the entire truth because they forget they are so drunk, but I know that they have terrible rows when drunk, particularly on the weekend. Their relationship is destructive. I have tried hard to help over the years, taking him in to live with me when I was single and in my own flat (had to kick him out because of drunken behaviour on many instances), have tried hard to advise her but she won't take it from me. She has her own mental health issues surrounding paranoia - she thinks I'm against her and my DP and dad think she is jealous of me. Admittedly she has said some not very nice personal things to me over the years but I try to overlook this to a point because she is my mother and she has issues.
On Saturday morning at 3.30am I had a call from my mum saying my brother was cutting his wrists up and there was blood all over the floor, could I call my dad and get him to come and collect him (mum and dad don't talk). I called my dad (both mum and brother have form for calling people including my DGrandmother late at night/early morning whilst pissed) and he said he couldn't do anything, and to call the police. I didn't know whether it was my mum attention seeking or what was happening, but my DP called the police and my brother was taken to hospital. He called me at 7am, having discharged himself whilst waiting to be seen by a psychiatrist, trying to get hold of my mum. He got home, and my mum went over to my DGrandmother's house, she found her outside in her car swigging from a wine bottle, invited her in and gave her the sofa bed for the night. I discovered this portion today when I visited my DGrandmother who lives locally. Later on on Saturday, my brother posted a picture of a pool of blood to Facebook. We're talking big pool of blood, probably about a foot of it in context with my mum's sofa in the background.
I saw my mum on Tuesday and noticed she had bruises all over her arms (finger bruises particularly), and a massive, deep slash on her forearm which, to me, was obviously intentionally made. If it had been on my arm I would have gone to get stitches I asked my mum about it and she told me she had done it cutting branches in the garden. I suspected my brother had attacked her with the same knife he was using to cut himself on Friday night/Saturday morning. According to my DGrandmother, my mum had told her the whole sorry story on the Saturday when she was at hers, and it was indeed my brother who had done it.
I am now LIVID that my brother has attacked her. IMO, it is one thing if he wants to go cutting himself up, but to attack my mum is beyond what is acceptable. Neither of them are angels but one of her faults is the fact that she has been far too generous with him and he takes the piss.
The problem is, she won't call the police of him, displaced sense of loyalty or whatever, yet he is destroying her house and now attacking her with knives. I know he has pushed and hit her in the past but she has always brushed it off and denies it, as she continues to do in this instance.
My question is, what the hell do you do with someone who won't help themselves in these circumstances? It is clear that they both need help with their mental health/depression, their alcoholism and co-dependency. It is so fucked up and I am desperately worried about her (and him, but to a lesser degree, because he has been sponging off her for years and is good at manipulation and pretending to be "poor old X, who tolerates his boozer mum"). She doesn't "trust" me (her words) but won't talk to anyone else either. She has no friends. The only people she has looking out for her are me and my DGrandmother and we are at a loss as well. My dad is worried but he can't talk to her as she hates him and she is just so fucking impossible at accepting help. I'm desperate! Has anyone else been in a position of having a loved one who won't help themselves when they are being physically attacked in their own home? God this message is shit and rambly and doesn't give insight into the half of it but any advice gratefully received. If not, it has been helpful to vent. Thanks.