I've been with my partner for nearly three years now, have a child with him already (18 months) and am expecting another on the 25th of July. The past few months i have been feeling really detached from him, and irritated by everything he does or says. I started really hating him touching me in any way, not just sexually. I have severe SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction) which causes me constant pain in any sort of movement and makes sex the last thing on my mind. So during a google search i came across mumsnet which answered why i might be feeling this way towards my partner :- little sleep, depression, stress and no time alone being the main "symptoms" for me.
My partner doesn't work atm, having recently been layed off just before Christmas, so we are around each other constantly. He also doesn't seem to want to look for another job, saying he wants to bond with baba when he arrives, which although i can accept i just want to yell at him to grow up and take some responsibility, stop being so work shy (he has been in and out of work for the past two years, gets bored very easily) and take care of his family. Is this wrong of me to ask this? Especially when i haven't worked since just before my daughter was born in dec 09?
Today we were having an argument about his family. His gran is in hospital about to get hip surgery, and it could possibly endanger her life. But she lives at least an hours car journey from us, or two hours on the train. I suggested that he would have to go see her by himself, obviously he could take our daughter, but i wouldnt be able to make the train journey due to said pain and how far along in pregnancy i am. This resulted in him asking his mum to take me through on friday so we could all visit his gran instead of him going by himself. Well i refuse to get in his mothers car for three reasons, a) the brakes don't work properly, b) his mother is a terrible driver and c) the journey would be too long painful and uncomfortable for me. Obviously a huge argument took place after, and my partner is taking the stance that i make everything about myself and i am being incredibly selfish.
I will admit that a lot of this pregnancy i have thought about myself and how i am feeling physically and emotionally etc, but i have had a rough pregnancy this time round. i was bed bound in March due to severe kidney infections and as my pregnancy has progressed my SPD has just got worse, making one of my legs barley able to move. So i guess what im trying to say is am i being selfish? Should i just deal with it and go see his gran (not in the car i wont endanger my children like that) or should i stick to the fact that i dont feel physically up to the journey?
i tried to talk to him earlier about what i had found out about what could be causing me to feel so distant to him and all i got in response was "ok" and that was it. Left feeling very confused and upset and now i don't even know if this relationship is worth saving? Any advice?
p.s Sorry this is so long and all over the place, i havent had much sleep lately :(