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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I start rebuilding my life - please help

35 replies

kate1984 · 29/06/2011 10:49

Hiya

I need some help / advice on how I start rebuilding my life. My husband left me at the end of May - he just walked out saying that he no longer loves me and that he is unahppy. He has been diagnosed with depression and he due to start cognitive behavioural therapy soon (which was recommended by the psychatrist) but is firm in his belief that it wont change his feelings. To say I am struggling is an understatement - I am completely devestated by this and I honestly believed that we were happy. We have been together for 9 years (since I was 18), have been married for 4 years and have a 2 year old son - it was the life that we have always wanting and have been aiming for. He is currently staying with his parents and comes from a family that never talk about anything emotional so they are all literally acting like everything is normal - they are making the situation easy for him rather than making him face up to what he has done. I really dont know where to begin with rebuilding myself - I love him so much and am so sad all the time that we are not going to have the life together that we always talked about. I just wondered whether there was anyone else out there who has been in a similar situation and can offer any hope / advice. I am going to relate (alone as he wont attend - although the counsellor feels it would be very benefical) but have only had one session so far - they are weekly and I am hoping that will help. Everyone says just give it time but I just feel like it is so hard - everyday is such an effort to get through :( Any help / advice would be great appreicated Kate xxx :(

OP posts:
JaceyBee · 05/07/2011 10:32

Hi Kate, sorry you are going through this. I am also in the same boat, husband depressed, doesn't know what he wants, needs space etc. I was exactly the same as you, when I hadn't seen him or spoken to him for a whilen I was a lot better and felt like I was starting to get over things but as soon as we had any conversation that was about anything other than routine stuff I would just break down again.

Now we are 3 months on and I do actually feel like I have made some progress, life without him is really quite a bit easier in a lot of ways and I can see a future for myself and my kids that doesn't incude him and look forward to it.

So even though you might feel like every time you speak to him you go back to square 1, you don't really. You are moving forward every day and I promise you, it WILL get better.

The first week after my dh left, my dd came down with a tummy bug and puked ALL OVER the place in the night, I'm talking self, bed, bedroom carpet, hall carpet, bathroom floor! It was funny in a way because one of the scariest things I thought about being on my own would be what if one of the dcs was ill in the night, then when it actually happened, I just got on and coped with it fine, just like you have. When I was scrubbing the carpets at 1am I remember thinking to myself, I don't actually need him. And it was really empowering, if that doesn't sound really cheesy and lame! The other situation I was dreading having to deal with alone was taking out (and I don't mean outside!) a massive spider in the hallway, again I shat my pants but got on and did it and it was ok. Both these things happened in the same week actually, I think it was quite instrumental in me feeling stronger.

Orchidlady · 05/07/2011 10:34

Hello Kate, how are you today? I can completely identify about how you are feeling. You need to be strong and keep yourself busy. When dp left I could not eat or sleep,I know lots of ladies will tell you that time is a great healer and of course it is, but for now just take each day as it comes. Just focus on your little boy, do lots of lovely things together. Has you H been in contact?

kate1984 · 05/07/2011 10:40

Thanks JaceyBee and Orchidlady, I am trying to be strong. I have my relate appointment today and get so nervous about it!!

Orchidlady - how long was your husband away for? x

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Orchidlady · 05/07/2011 11:01

DP was away for 6 weeks, turns out he was having a mini breakdown. Ironically he going through another one and is being monitored by MHT 3 times a week on AD's and cocktail of other drugs, difference is this time he realises that the problem is him not us. Not saying this is the same for you but you did mention depression and him going for therapy, despression makes people do an say strange things. Please don't be nervous about relate, I am sure it will be really good to talk, let us know how you get on. How is your little boy coping?

Orchidlady · 05/07/2011 11:07

Oh and by the way Kate, you are NOT silly or pathetic, you sound like you are doing very well under the circumstances ((hugs))

kate1984 · 05/07/2011 11:09

I hope he is coping okay - he had had a few meltowns since my husband left but they generally come after he has seen my husband - the day he comes back to me or the day after. He is a very happy and secure child (everyone says so) and this is another reason I cant understand my husbands actions - if our life together was so unhappy then our son would not be the happy and secure child he is. My mum works with children at our local hospital and she says it is apparant when a child comes from an unahppy home and our son is nothing but happy (apart from the standard 2 year tantrums!). I feel like my husband has this warped idea of what our life was like together - he is completely convinced we have been unhappy for a while but his actions and behaviour did not show that - if he was that unhappy someone would have picked up on this?? x

OP posts:
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 05/07/2011 11:17

For the moment, put yourself and DCfirst. Your H is getting professional help, so you needn't worry about him being all alone and suffering. Remember that even if he is depressed your feelings matter too, and it's fine to keep contact with him to a minimum if that's what you need to help you get stronger.

RosieMapleLeaf · 05/07/2011 11:38

Hi Kate,
Just wanted to send you some support and let you know that I am another that came out the other side. My 'adventure' was many years ago now and luckily there were no children involved, but my husband up and left me also. We had just moved to a new city and he decided he didn't like it there, didn't like me either, and went home to Mum and Dad. This involved a plane ride and he let slip a week before he left that he was going (had already booked the flight without telling me). I took the week off work to try and talk to him about things. We had a fabulous week together! We spent all our time together, did some fun stuff, lots of chats, I felt really hopeful. And then the day of the flight arrived, he kissed me goodbye and left. I waited and waited to hear from him, and 2 days later I couldn't stand it anymore so I called, his voice was just flat on the phone, said he didn't love me and wasn't coming back. His Mum and Dad just pretended like nothing had happened, didn't talk to me and let him just do whatever he wanted.

Not going to lie here, I more or less fell apart. I was in a new city and knew nobody. I called my parents every night just for someone to talk to, but they were also a plane ride away. I cried buckets. I kept up my daily routine but I was a mess. I tried a few times to talk to him again but it would just end up upsetting me more and I realized that for my own good, I needed to stay away from him. Eventually it got easier. It's now about 15 years later and I have a new DH and 4 DC. And I am in contact with the ex-DH, I guess we could actually be called friends now! He is exactly the same as when I was married to him, doing all the same things as he was then. If I had stayed with him, I wouldn't have my DC and I wouldn't have the very satisfying life I have now. He is on his own.

As others have said, the most important thing to do right now is focus on yourself and your DC. Look after yourself and be gentle. Make a life for the two of you that doesn't require him. Do things for yourself that make you feel good. Make the effort to cook yourself a nice meal rather than just picking at things. Exercise can work wonders! Don't think about the future too much, just cope with one day at a time.

There's every chance that he will come back, but in the meantime, build
yourself a foundation that makes you stronger.

Looking back now, my exDH did me a favour. I learned (the very hard way) that I could stand on my own and look after myself and didn't need to lean on anyone else. That's very empowering!

I wish you all the luck in the world.

kate1984 · 05/07/2011 19:24

Thanks for all your messages - I cant tell you a huge support they are. My appointment at Relate was okay - I got very upset though :( The lady is very supportive and she said just attending relate on my own shows strength which made me feel a bit better, its so hard though as although she can offer a small idea of why he might have left no-one know exactly why - I dont even think he does!! I am just going to conitnue to take it one day at a time and use my family, friends and you guys as support (hope thats okay!). I still really want him to remember what we had a realise what he is losing and come home - is that sad? Does it make me a bit of a mug?? xxx

OP posts:
kate1984 · 27/07/2011 12:59

Hello again!! Just thought I would re-post as I havent been on for a while. Things are pretty much the same with me and my situation although I feel I am getting stronger everyday (although there is the odd sad moment :( ). I hit 'rock bottom' a couple of weeks ago and it was truely the worst day of my life - nothing particularly happended just the extent of everything hit me. My husband is still depressed and is very down and withdrawn - he is hardly talking to anyone and just spends anytime he is not at work sitting in his parents house - exciting life for a 31 year old!! I have been speaking to his family regulary and they believe he is starting to regret his decision but obviously only time will tell - he has only been gone for 2 months so I suppose it is still early days. I am just getting on with my life the best I can for mine and my son's sake. Kate xx

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