Think dh might be seeing someone

[Soozey1]

Hi all

I don't often post on here but read a lot and thought I would post as I need some help. I have a 6 month old and a 2 year old so i might just be reading into something that is not there so bear with me!

So about 3 years ago about 5am dh's phone goes off with a text message. I am a light sleeper so it woke me up and thought someone would only text if it was urgent so I looked at it. Turns out it was from a girl from his work texting to say she was off on holiday and see you when she gets back xxxxx. So I went a bit crazy, woke up dh and asked why a girl we texting him at this time of the morning. He fobbed it off by saying she was just a friend and does this sort of thing. I then asked him to tell her not to text at stupid times anymore as it is disrespectful to his wife which he said he did. Then a few weeks later I saw a text from her again on his phone saying something along the lines of, "see you 10 mins earlier than I thought" when he received this message I was out and not due back until late. When questioned he again fobbed it off and said that he had no idea what she was talking about. Fair enough I didn't take it any further and forgot all about it. This girl is also on his fb.

Fast forward 3 years and 2 kids later....

A few months ago he started to act very secretively about his phone and always kept it with him. Then he came home from work one day with a very sunburnt face. This I thought strange as he had called me at lunchtime
E to say that he was back from lunch and going to a meeting. I then exclaimed about his face and asked if he had been out that afternoon as sometimes he has work drinks that last all afternoon. He denied and later on spilt into convo that his boss had taken the meeting outside as it was such a warm day. I accepted this but only later on realised that roads surround his office and no greenery-where would they have the meeting?! Anyway didn't follow up on it.

So today he forgot his phone when he went out this morning and I snuck a look on his fb messages. Big mistake. In oct last year I went away for a week to see family abroad-I was 6 months pregnant - and dh took a week off too to spend time with our first child instead of having dc1 in nursery but he got very poorly and was in hospital for a few days. So this message is telling her all about it and saying to her that she should cancel her day off and that they will meet another time. She kept calling him babe and Hun and lots of kisses but nothing like that from him.

My question is then if they are just friends why does she have to take a day off to see him why not just lunch or drinks After work? Should I ask him about this? Am very confused and dont know if I'm just being silly. I have no more solid evidence other than what I've explained.

Thank you and so sorry it's so long!!

Am very sorry you are going through this.

Your H is likely to be conducting an emotional affair which may or may not have now become physical. He could have put a halt to this three years ago but he has chosen not to. He is primarily to blame here; the OW is really of no consequence.

Whatever the true nature of their friendship/relationship, boundaries have been crossed here by both of them. I would also say your H wants his cake and eat it too; he was probably flattered by the attentions he received. He has you at home and his work gf on the go at the same time.

If you want to save your marriage you cannot do so on your own; he has to now be completely honest and open with you. The information you get will probably be drip fed to you. There are too many suspicious behaviours here on his part (the ongoing secrecy re this person) and you have put aside your own gut instinct on this for long enough.

Hoped you have talked to him Scoozey.

I think it fairly obvious hes having an affair , sorry .

You really only have 2 choices , ignore it , or have a proper talk . I think i would say that i felt uncomfortable with this " freindship " and i want to be reassured that it isnt an affair . Therefore i would like , right now , to access his email address and phone records . If he isnt immediateley bending over backwards to reassure you then you have your answer im afraid .

I don't think a proper talk would work. If he is having an affair he won't tell you anything so you'll be none the wiser. My DH had an affair when I was pregnant, I had my suspicions and asked him about it a few times, he denied it. Eventually I found evidence and confronted him, he still denied it initially, but as I had proof he eventually admitted it. As hard as it is I think that's what you need to do, sit tight, watch and snoop - if there's nothing to hide you won't find anything. When you've evidence, confront. Good luck, its a horrible situation to be in.