hi noddyholder,
are you able to talk to her about other things?
if so then maybe you could try to talk to her about this again, in a friendly way- trying to bring up in a general way issues about jealousy/controlling behaviour etc... & try to get her to say/see what he is like without you actaully 'telling' her?
if he isn't a good one, then maybe she'd apreciate advice now, Especaiilly if things have been chaotic for her.
I understand taht you don't want to 'fall out' with her, but if it all decends into chaos - would you have prefered to have 'tried' to say something before hand? I'm sure that you could find a way to tell her again that you are worried. even if she doesn't liike it, you can still be there for her.
You could always write to her, what you've said above ". I am concerned it will be too late and it will become physical. He has a very troubled past and I am concerned she is taking this on when she should be concentrating on herself and her daughter. It is not good that she has to lie about seeing a very old friend " etc...
I think i'd prefer someone to tell me. I know it's not always that easy as if she doens't want to listen, there isnt anytning you can say anyway ! ! !
good luck & she's lucky to have such a good friend.