I hope I'm overreacting...

[LadyLurk]

but would you get angry and upset to find your dh had been watching porn while a child slept in the same room?

Yes, our relationship is crap. No, we haven't had sex for months for a lot of reasons, and yes, I have read all the many threads that say of course porn is fine. What is bothering me most, though, is that ds could have woken up and seen this stuff. Not that the porn in itself isn't an issue, because it is and dh already knew that I feel it is. Please tell me what to think, my head is a mess anyway without all this as well. Sorry if I'm not making any sense, but please help with some perspective on this.

It doesn't make sense. How overwhelming can the need for an orgasm or sexual titillation be? Even if you convince me of this first point, wouldnt' you just take your laptop to the loo and watch some porn there, why in the same room as a 5-y-old???? Wouldn't the presence of a child put you OFF???? What if you get aroused and they wake up and see you? All children know when something transgressive is going on, they understand that the sounds/images of sex are not everyday but something 'other'. often it frightens them. Why would you want your own child to possibly be exposed to a confusing, embarrassing, possibly scary situation? This seems to be some kind of deliberate crossing of boundaries by your DH, or he has genuinely lost sight of what is appropriate around children. I don't know why the latter would happen so I think the former is the case. He is making a 'statement' about family life and how he's opting out of it. And presumably in a way that piles pressure on you because it's your 'fault' he's not being serviced?

I don't think it's an 'oops minor mistake there sorry' situation, this is quite undermining behaviour

There are two issues here for me:

1. The reason he is watching porn where a 5-year old is sleeping (a 5-year old is quite able to be distraught at pornographic images) is that he is addicted to porn so convincing himself that it is okay.

1. Well...I am not sure I am overreacting here, but maybe he gets a frisson of somebody else being in the room...I'm sorry to even suggest that but it did spring to mind. However, being a man, he is probably just not even thinking of the possible dangers, and not even aware.

But watching porn gets you turned on, and I (and I think most other parents) could not get turned on with kids around. It's just two different worlds. I have watched porn myself, but even with a kid on the same floor, I would not be able to relax.

Really sorry if I offended but thought it best to put all possibilities out there.