I want to apologise firstly cos I am just feeling so confused and dont know what to do. All I do right now is apologise as I am always doing something/being in the wrong. A part of me wishes that I wasnt with my bf and had a place for me and my ds but then i feel like i am being selfish. My family love my bf and my ds thinks he is great. Why do i feel like he doesnt love me or want me?
Dont get me wrong he doesnt shout or hit me. He is quiet spoken, brings home flowers and is kind to my son. As a couple he says we are weakest. He is on the sofa again through his choice. Says it is because of his snoring as he has a bad cold (man flu). We have been together for 2 years and I feel like he is pushing me away. My ds goes to see his dad everyother weekend, this was ds weekend with us. Had a nice day out yesterday and I treated us to a pub lunch. Today ds went out with a friend and her daughter, dp stayed home and played on PC. He had also said he would cook roast. Came home, dp really grumpy but denying it iykwim. Says comments like we shouldnt discuss it at the table if I ask if he is ok. I couldnt hold back tears as racking my brains for what I have done wrong again (this is becoming a regular thing), ds hugs me to see if i am ok, i re-assure and explian that it is like if his friend was feeling grumpy with ds, ds might feel sad (all the while feeling like a crap mum). After ds in bed dp apologises and doesnt explain any further. Then when try to address what is going on he says he is tired and not well. I explain this is happening alot and that at these times I wonder if he wants us around to which he says he cant sensibly discuss right now.
This keeps happening, I feel so uncertain of us, we are rarely close now. I care a lot about my dp and dont want to split but i dont want ds to think this is ok either. Although ds loves dp and would be really upset if we left.
Am in tears now and dont know what to do with myself.