Is taking one child to see Santa Claus while the other is at home a crap thing to do, or am just overreacting?

[Caligula]

DS (6) is staying with my mother this weekend. This evening she's told me she took him to see Santa Claus today. DD (3) is at home with me this weekend.

My first response was disbelief that anyone could be as unfair and fuckwitted as to do that with children. But then I thought, maybe I'm just being hysterical and overreacting. It didn't seem to occur to her that perhaps DD might feel at all left out of pissed off that she's missed out on a treat.

Over to the court of Mumsnet!!

bit thoughtless imho. But she might have thought dd was too young to realise? Might have been a bit of a spur of the moment thing too. See if you can wangle taking dd on her own to compensate. Don#t know about you but I really enjoy the few moments I get 1-1 with either of mine. and they do too.

completely thoughtless, and just the sort of thing my family would do.

but I have to say that, as a three-year-old, I probably wouldnt have minded too much. Is your dd upset about it at all?

She hasn't found out yet. DS is coming home tomorrow, and of course there's no chance that he'll keep quiet about it.

Am waiting for the fireworks. But hoping that maybe there won't be any.

I think (tentatively) that you may be overreacting a bit. Agree with hatstand that tolerably good explanations are quite possible. Huge extrapolation... are you worried she favours ds over dd generally?

My mum was supposed to be babysitting for my an ds2 age 10 and dd 16 months today so i could xmas shop. said could she come at 3pm? she knows i have not done any shopping at all so by the time we get to shops whats the point? why 3pm? because shes going to local pub with my dad and niece!!?? TO WATCH FOOTY ON TELLY!!!?? OF COURSE IT'S SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT!!My mem has 7 grandchildren but 1 favourite(my niece)and she stays at my mums every weekend and is spiled rotton.I am really angry i could explode.

Sounds a bit thoughtless and possible spur of the moment. TBH, maybe because DD is still young, I'd be annoyed I wasn't asked if it was okay first anyway. DD is3yo so this is first year she is really properly into the whole FC and everything.

3 year old won't know any better adn only adults thingmk thet a visti to santa is special. to a smal child tis a big queue to sit on a stranger dresed up as santa's knee and get a piece of plastic crap. may as well take them to mcdonaltds in my view

I disagree - mine are 6 and 4 and there would be big sad faces if one had been to see Santa and one hadn't. You can't expect the 6 year old to keep quiet about it and the younger will be disappointed.

Caligula, I agree it was a thoughtless thing to do although probably not intentionally mean. Just take him next week while DS is at school.

Bit early too!

I agree with kama. My dad is too ill now, but in the past sometimes one of the boys would go and stay with m&d, and that in itself was a "treat". They got to do special things with Gma and Gpa, and the one left at home would do special things and have special time with us. They learned from an early age not to resent it, but just to make the most of the opportunities.

I only have 22 months between my boys, but I think it's important not to treat them identically and always do exactly the same for each.

I only have one so the jealous thing isn't an issue, but as I mentioned before DD does understand about Father Christmas and I can only imagine how upset she would be in such circumstances. Not all 3yo don't understand about Christmas and the magic.

If it bothers you so much, can you whizz and see a local one with dd before d gets home? Then they can share their experiences with each other.

Don't think it would bother me too much but dd2 is only 10mo at the mo.

This is why I'm irritated Sassy - I personally wouldn't bother to take either of my kids to see Santa Claus, because I consider it over-priced torture. But now I feel I've been forced into taking DD (because oh yes, she does understand about Santa Claus, he's bringing her a pink pram, doncha know) when actually, it's not the sort of thing I'd want to do at all. All these things which are considered such great treats (Disneyland, funfairs, Santa Claus) just look like queuing nightmares to me.

Grumpy old bat that I am.

I think, Caligula (in the gentlest of ways) that the fact that you disagree with the whole going to see FC and queuing for a cheap plastic toy thing is what the issue is here, rather than one going and the other not. If it is a case of simply being fair, then I'd just make sure the other got their trip to see FC too (if they were likely to be bothered that is, which mine would be as well). I agree with you though and hate it too, but if Granny took one, then I'd feel obliged to take the other and would probably begrudge it just as much, but not because Granny had done something nice for one. I guess if she'd had both of them, then she'd have treated both of them iyswim. I think it was a nice thing she did tbh and probably a special time for them. If your dd is anything like mine, then she'll just want to see Santa and not be too bothered who takes her.

Oh I can't bear the thought of going to see FC in Bluewater.

I'm going to force my mother to take DD next time she's down.

Come to think of it, November is a bit early, isn't it?

Sounds like a good plan - I couldn't face Santa at BW either. BW is where I go for me - without kids (apart from ds2 who's still in buggy and no trouble). Your Mum will be delighted, I'm sure. Plenty of time yet.

"I'm going to force my mother to take DD next time she's down. "

Caligula - Im just picturing the scene in 30 years time when your dd says exactly the same thing!

lol Nightynight

But your DS is 6 and it is nice for him to go to his Nans and do something with her, bit of one to one time with her, he is older

Couldn't your DD go another time?

My Children get taken to different things by members of the family,

Bet there are lots of Mums on here who would love their own Mum to take one of the Children and spend some time with them and take them to se Father Christmas.

There are many Grandparents who wouldn't do this, I really wouldn't be annoyed with her

Sorry, I think you are over reacting, I think it's lovely that your Mum has spent a bit of time with your DS.

If it's a case of your DD being left out, then Nan and DS would have to stay in all weekend and not do anything!!

caligula, don't worry about making a special trip in a store to see Father Christmas. Nearer the time, there will undoubtedly be loads wandering the high streets. Mine always find them much more interesting (I tell the kids he's looking in the shops for toys that the elves can't make). You won't have to queue, dd will get to see him and hopefully, you'll all survive the experience.

I always think Father Xmases in those stores are a bit creepy ('come and sit on my knee - eeeeewww!)

But maybe Nan should have mentioned it to you?

I'd think thank GOd one less thing for me to do this year.

Agree it was a little insensitive but can see how it might happen..Nanny having a wonderful time looking after DS, feeling all warm and nostalgic looking at the Xmas decorations in the shops, promise of snow on the weather forcast blah blah and then they see it...a big sparkly grotto with signs promising wonderful gifts for each child...queue grandson to look up lovingly at nanny with innocent hope and excitement on his face and ask if he has been "good enough" to see FC??? with a slight lip wobble and a drawn out "purrrleeeeaaaaassseeeee?..."
Come on - it was a nice thing to do really. After all, my mil can?t even be bothered to send a card most years, let alone spend time with them. I would have been amazed and delighted if she spent more than 50p in a second hand shop on my kids, let alone more than 2 minutes of her time