Hi - sorry not to have answered earlier. Thank you all so much for your input and kind sharing of thoughts / experiences. It's really good to hear all your opinions.
After an awful saturday where I felt totally deflated, sunday was much better as there was a festival in our local park and I helped out. The kids and dh joined me there and we spent the afternoon with friends and my father and sister who were also there. This made for a much more pleasant day and I have realised that I really don't like being cooped up with dh at the weekends as on his own he is often difficult to deal with. Got on well with dh yesterday and felt a lot more positive etc..., and also guilty for having posted my original message. Then today he has really annoyed me again. He has the capacity to talk to me as if I am an insubordinate child which I really really hate and this happened before dinner. At that moment I always think, right, I have totally had enough but then the moment passes.... Have totally lost the will to talk to dh tonight and this is the pattern our relationship follows - I occasionally feel closer and then he is rude to me and I decide that actually, I don't want to even think about him....
Basically I had kids with a person who can be difficult / unreasonable / rude / cynical, but I knew those things at the time so feel like I should suck it up. (Also, though we have always had our ups and downs, I think we used to be closer than we are now - certainly before children we were). There are things that I like about him - he is very hard working and loyal to the kids and we have a laugh about the children when we are getting on... When we are getting on I still find him physically attractive and cannot imagine sleeping with anyone else.... On the minus side, he is not easy (actually impossible) to talk to about anything to do with "us" as he gets very defensive - but just because I am not happy with the kind of intimacy we have doesn't mean I have the right to dump the kids in it as it were (is how my thinking goes)....
I'm sorry to hear about your ex-husband allegrageller and that you were depressed at the time of your divorce. I hope you feel less sad soon - you sound like a very nice person.
I will definitely think about counselling as I think that those of you who have recommended it are right - it would be very helpful.
Thanks again for everyone's input. If dh and I were to split I think the weirdest thing would be knowing that the time our kids would be with him would be totally out of bounds to me (and vice versa) - if that makes sense.
Basically I think it is quite tiring being with my dh - he is a tiring person to be with because of his unpredictable moods - he can also be light hearted when in a good mood, but the weekends are a big sore spot. My aunt has suggested I have an agreement with him whereby I do other stuff at the weekends and he looks after the kids as this is definitely when we don't get on... Kind of an odd thing to negotiate though!