How do you sort out finances in a relationship?

[flibbertigibbert]

I've been with DP for 4 years but this is our first long term relationship for both of us so I'm just looking for opinions and ideas about the best way to do things.

When DP and I started going out, we were both students. We moved in together after 2 years. We currently have an arrangement where I pay for the food shopping and he pays the bills. Back when we were students and didn't pay council tax (and pre-recession fuel increases), this worked out at a 50/50 split. We are in a very fortunate position in that we don't have to pay rent or mortgage payments (DP's very wealthy grandparents bought him a flat).

Now we are both working full time, though I do a standard 9-5 and DP does 9-6 with an hour or so of work from home in the evenings. DP earns twice what I do (2.5 times what I earn if he gets his bonus - we're both fine with this as we are motivated by different things). As I get home first, I do all the cooking. I've also always done most of the cleaning as DP is quite messy.

Just wondering how finances work, especially if one person earns a lot more than the other. It hasn't caused any issues yet, though DP has suggested an expensive holiday later in the year. It's not such a big deal for him, though it is quite a large amount for me. So, do people split things 50/50, or as a percentage of their income? Do you take into account domestic duties when dividing up money? Would you have a joint account if you're not married?

I would say joint account for household expenses, but rather than each person contributing the same/equal amount, each person contributes an equal % of their salary.

So - if he earns 2.5 times more than you, he should contribute 2.5 times more than you. In that way, the proportions are not skewed unfairly.

I would handle the holiday in the same way. Set an overall budget for the holiday, and then you both put in your % according to what you earn.

We have joint account that everything goes in, and all bills are paid from. We also have a savings account each that an equal amount for both of us goes in from the joint account each month. We have one child and are married.

In your case OP i wonder where your partner sees the relationship going? Is the flat in his name only or is it yours too? Does he want to marry you? (i know not all couples marry but just mean it as in is he certain he wants to spend his life with you? Do you plan on kids together?

From his point of view, if this is not certain i can see why he he doesnt want an even split. If you are both anticipating being together for good so to speak, im with tortoise above - whats the point in only one of you getting rich?

If there is no definate long term commitment to each other (which i would view as joint mortgage/ownership of house or marriage or children together) then i think he will probably want to protect what is 'his' - and its up to him if he spends it all on a car.

We do it the simple way.

Everything into the one pot. All bills are paid and whatever is left is ours and we can both use it how we want to.

Whatever's left... Left... hahahaha

It's just easier. After all, I don't walk round the house pointing at things and saying that's my fridge and your microwave and my sofa and your tv...

I wouldn't like to be one of those couples who lends each other a tenner until payday. Seems like far too much hassle to me Although I know there are a lot of couples who prefer to keep money seperate. I wonder if it's about protecting themselves? Maybe feeling like they aren't entwined or dependent financially? I don't know. It wouldn't do for me. But then my way wouldn't do for them either.

You have to find the way of running things that makes you both happy.

All relationships must be built on a foundation of trust. We have always tossed all our money into one pot (ie one account) (ISAs excepted 'cos you can't have a joint ISA account). We've never had any problems.

We have a joint account and DH has been the only earner since we got married. We both have free access to it and don't ask permission to spend. It's considered as 'our money' regardless of his earning it. It's very important for me to feel secure even with no salary and I don't think any other arrangement would have worked for me. I don't understand situations where partners lend each other money or SAHMs have a bit of housekeeping money.