not 'just friends' - by shirley glass

[keelybooboo]

this book arrived this morning from amazon. can't believe i've suffered through the last 3 months feeling like i'm insane!

so happy i've got the book now - wish i'd taken the recommendation so much sooner!

after a couple of hours of reading i actually feel positive about my future with my dh,

if you are in the early stages of recovery from an affair i cannot recommend this book highly enough

Can I ask why all this talk of "modern affairs"? Surely it's the same as in "the good old days", one partner shags someone they shouldn't.

It's selfish and disrespectful. Doesn't need much analysis. But if it helps you, then good.

i havent mentioned 'modern affairs' techdad.

i am quite aware that it is selfish and disrespectful thank you - i didn't need that pointing out to me.

I found out after he told he didn't love me - I did a search of his web history etc and found a deleted FB message in his email inbox, a secret credit card account and secret hotmail address. I had to confront him to get the truth out and once he realised I knew, he confessed everything. They slept together only a few times (mainly due to distance/circumstances) but have met up for lunches and were in constant touch via text/onlne chat.

I couldn't eat either (or sleep) and lost 10lbs but I really can't afford to lose any more weight so have been making an huge effort to eat and sleep better although have lost interest in biscuits/sweets/cakes. The OW is fat with big boobs, is blonde and pretty but 7 years older than me.

H is being very good about doing all the right things and that has made a huge difference - he's been going to personal counselling and we have just started couple counselling.

I have told a couple of real life friends which also helped.

Techdad - it was me who mentioned modern affairs, this is because there has been a huge increase in workplace affairs and many affairs have been made much easier by technology.

www.shirleyglass.com/introduction.htm

Interesting thread.....

Was also interested to see that the Relate website's advice under the "common problems" section, echoes the Shirley Glass message about affairs never being the responsibility of the person not having the affair. They also acknowledge that affairs happen in good marriages. Suspect this will give people more confidence to visit Relate, knowing that this is their (correct IMO) stance.

how is the counselling going for you hotchoc?

i don't know whether to go down that road or not... £45 per session is not really do-able at the moment!

For H, it has helped him understand how his childhood/upbringing/the way he resolves conflicts etc has made him vulnerable to an affair.

For our relationship, it is helping us learn to communicate better - so much easier to talk things through with someone guiding you.

I know its expensive but divorce is much more expensive and without it, recovery would be much much harder for us. We try and make the most of each session by talking in between, doing some reading etc.

Hiya all

I was wondering if anyone had a copy of 'not just friends by Shirley glass they would like to pass on?