Is he having an affair????

[stevienicks]

Sorry I know there are a lot of posts relating to this subject but I feel as though I haven't got enough proof.
My DH has been very tight with the finances for about the last year even though he works lots of overtime. He was deleting all of his phone and computer history but has not been so lately. His phone is never far from his side which is an I phone and is on the computer a lot. The other day I saw that he had a considerable amount of money in his wallet then all of a sudden disappeared. There is no evidence that it has come out of any of the house accounts. My gut feeling that he is up to no good and being somewhat deceptive with our finances. He is talking to someone and I feel its via the facebook or some email service but is being very clever or so he thinks. I am biding my time at the moment as I feel I need something else but don't know how long 1 I can keep it up and 2 if I ever am going to get the proof to kick the ahole in to touch. Help!!!!!!!!

Who is he saying he is going on holiday with? Do you have any discrete way of checking?

I find that really weird...why would someone buy you a new car if they were planning on leaving you, doesn't make sense to me.

I think there are two theories running alonside eachother. One is that he is having an affair and is assuaging his guilt by buying expensive gifts. The other theory is that the mysterious disappearing cash is due to him creating a nest egg.

How can he have money which you don't know the source of? Unless it's from your accounts, he has either had to have won it gambling or someone else has given it to him- or he's nicked it.

I don't think for a mo this is an affair- it's dodgy dealing maybe, gambling and debts etc, IMO.

why don't you just say to him you are worried- you have noticed things and need to talk openly and honestly?

re. above- assume his salary is paid into your joint account and he doesn't get paid cash in hand?

Have you checked your bank statements? if he is withdrawing cash it will show up.

I can't see any evidence of an affair unless he is out a lot and his time in unaccounted for, he is unavailable by phone if you call when he's out, if where he says he is doesn't tally etc.

Far far more likely youhave money worries- think about his wanting you to account for every penny nad be tight.

Horrible thought- but drugs and dealing come to mind.

Thanks everyone, no he isn't drug dealing or gambling he is too tight for that.
I will do all the suggestions and see where I go from there.

Maybe he's saving up to surprise you with something like a holiday? Maybe it's all gone tits up at work and he is really stressed and doesn't want to worry you? Is it possible he's lost his job but is carrying out the pretence of going to work? He could have spent a fortune online gambling or online porn or phone sex lines.

I wouldn't immediately think it is an affair.

In computer, check History (show all history), in emails (if you can gain access), look at both Sent folder and deleted items folder also recover deleted items - usually under Tools. Similarly with phones, outbox or sent box in messages

My friends ExDH ordered her a new car and then she found out he was having an affair the day he was due to get married whilst still married to her.

deste - your poor friend!! :(

I questioned him about some items he had bought as he started winghing a bout money I had recently spent , then caught him out on how he had paid for the items he asked me I was stupid or something, this is the second time in a month he has said this to me, he obcviously thinks I am. Well red rag to a bull calling a woman stupid. Incensed is not the word.