Stepmothers/Stepmonsters! Any tips on handling them?

[EstroGena]

Weve had to move back into parents after a house fire (me, DH, DC x 2)! Not ideal for anyone involved!!! Dad has been great, welcoming, lets us get on! SM not so great! We are clearly p*ssing her right off by being here (understandable) but isnt even trying to disguise it! Whats worse is my 2 DD's follow her round, hanging on any scrap of attention she might throw their way (which is rare) and she constantly shoos them away to find me and it is now really starting to annoy me!!

And if she tells me once more that I should watch 'Supernanny' for tips for handling my 22 month old I might have to take a dump in her golf bag!!!!

Throwing up in her underwear drawer could be fun too.

She sounds horrid, what a witch.

Wish I had some good advice, but all I can say is hope you are able to move back to your own place very soon.

Any way to move into other accommodation?

Was she consulted about this and what are the general plans? I do feel for you having had a fire but I also think she must feel very invaded. Frankly, if my SD, her children and husband moved in to my home I would book into a hotel. There is a joke that the Chinese symbol for unhappiness is two women sharing the same kitchen. How are you treating the house? Does it feel like you have moved into your Dad's house or their house? It must be very hard for her losing her privacy/space.

If you know your kids following her around annoys her then why not keep them away from her? If they are toddlers then you'd have to supervise them if you lived alone so why not supervise them in her house?
She's doing you a favour by letting you live in her house.

What kind of relationship do you have - can you be honest at all?

Could you pick a good moment and say something like 'Look, I just wanted to say that I can imagine how hard it is for you to have us here - it's a bit of an invasion isn't it? I'd find it really difficult if it were the other way around. Please tell me if there's anything we can arrange to make it easier in terms of personal space. The girls are excited to spend so much time with you, I know that must be a bit crowding.'

Hopefully that might make her at least feel that her situation is acknowledged - it may just be that she feels she's the one being put out most, and suddenly having the rest of the 'blood family' outnumber her in her own house (yes silly I know!) might be making her resentful too.

After that, if you keep on getting 'advice' on childrearing or the endless cold shoulder, you'd be more within your rights to have a wee word along the lines of 'Look, this is just as difficult for us as for you right now, especially with our house up in smoke. I appreciate that this is your home, but making it clear that you dislike us being here is helping no-one as it can't be helped. I would hate it if we fell out over this.' Through gritted teeth...

My MIL was put in your SM's position last year, her long term partner moved his 18yo son into their new home without asking her. He's finally gone back to his mums but having him in her home drove her mad. TBH in my opinion my MIL didnt handle the situation well, making digs/complaining/getting arsey all the time. She didnt handle it like a mature adult, much the same as your SM.

Agree with pp could you speak to her, if she's at home one day could you not take kids out so she has 'quiet' time?

It is a hard situation for you all, I hope your house is sorted soon :)

Was she asked if you moving in was okay? Does your house insurance cover temporary lodging? It would be best if all adults were on board with this from the start. Last year my son, DIL, GS age 3 and twins age 1.5 lived here for two or three weeks in between leaving old house and moving into new. It was enjoyable for me and they seemed to have no problems either. they helped cook and had the upstairs to themselves. It sure raised the power bill though. We did a lot more cooking than just my DH and I do. We do have a basement and they spent family time down there. We even hosted their two cats, who were good little guests.