Background: my Parents divorced when I was 6. my mum married again and had 2 girls both are now 17 and 22 and I am now in my mid 30s with one 8yo DD. I also have an elder brother (same mum and dad) who has 1 5yo son.
I am finding it difficult to relate to my mum and sisters of late. I find them extermely materialistic, superficial, self centered and it hurts.
Mum hardly ever calls me. unless she wants something usually in the form of advice as i am a lawyer or wants me to help my sisters. Always guised as she was calling to see how I am.
If I tell her about what is going on in muy life you can HEAR her disinterest Whether it is good or bad. If I call her the conversation allways tend to flow if it is about what is going on in their home/lives. Times when i have called for motherly advice from her often she says she does not know the answer or is totally distracted by the TV or by conversations with others in the room UNLESS she wants to give me advice off the cuff then she has plenty to say (but even that is rare these days).
After I give her advice, she never follows up. Never tells me how it went or the outcome. I always have to call her back or I find out from one of my sisters that things have progressed. Times when my advice has helped she never thanks me she would rather say that someone else told her and they were right.
Then there is the showing off about the places and events that she and "her family" go to. That's the only other time I get calls which always end with "next time you should come too" She was never like that growing up. I feel more and more ostracised from my so called family it just makes me sad. whenever I return from a visit to their home I come back disappointed and upset. My sisters never talk or bond with me apart from the initial pleasantries. They have jokes and discussions amongst themselves but I often have to include myself. I know that it may be a generation thing. But I now find that my mum is the same. I am the one that ends up making conversation with them or trying to.
Unless I am dressed to the hilts (make up hair and clothes immaculate) I am virtually ignored and even my mum greets/treats me differently. I cannot see why i cannot be relaxed in their company.
My DP says it is because I am quite opinionated and can come across as a know it all. He said that i should be a little more passive and listen rather than talk. I considered what he said and admitted to myslef that he was right. I changed the focus and listened much more and kept my opinions to myself but i feel that it is to my detriment. I invited my sisters out for a meal to try to bond with them and both showed disinterest mainly because I instigaged it. I just do not think they are interested in me as a person. They are interested in what I can do for them.
To me things have been hard financially for my DP and I and we have on oacassion had to borrow money from my mum. I believe that this has a lot to do with it. I do not drive (out of choice) and I do not believe having the latest clothes, phone etc is the be all and end all of my life. They have a better relationship with my brother's partner who does believe the above things are important. They respect me less for it.
My DP asked if i was jealous of how my mum and sisters live now which is a beter standard to how I was brought up and I say no but I am jealous f how close they all are and resentful of how they relate to me. I am made by all 3 to feel like an outsider looking in.
I do not think that I should become like them but I do not know what to do about how i feel I am treated.
SIGH :(