Well it is a whole big can of worms! How long have you got? :)
I realised some years ago (when I discovered MN) that my 'D'H is verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive.
Things came to a head for me and I left, suddenly, and eventually found somewhere else to live. Our children are young adults and I left them here. I felt really awful and I still do, but I had reached the end of my tether!
I couldnt afford to support myself and my DH froze our joint account so, (I have worked all my life) I had no access to my own money. I was forced to come back to the marital home and here I am! I am just trying to illustrate the situation because relationships are so very complex.
Anyway... my DH has always been very close to our DS, who is our eldest. He has never really bonded with our DD, and I guess, as we are both female we get along very well, DD and I. I am certain that my DH is very jealous of my relationship with our DD.
I love our DS but our relationship is 'distant'. Difficult to explain but I should say, he has been very intimidating to me and he bullies his sister. I feel as if I have let her down badly, because she is living in an environment that is not happy for her and she doesnt feel safe. DH constantly blames me for the fact that he has no relationship with our DD and she has no respect for him. All he ever does is criticise her. He, on the other hand, cannot do enough for our son. Which to me is totally unforgiveable. It puts me in a position where I feel I have to support her and try to make up for the differences in the way she is treated by her DF against the way he treats her brother. And of course, I am blamed and accused of favouritism!!!!!!
I guess to try to put in in a nutshell, the end result of living in an abusive relationship is that our DS's attitude towards women mirrors that of his DF, and myself and our DD are subject to bullying, abuse, intimidation and add to that now, financial abuse, because I have to work otherwise I wouldnt have a penny to spend.
I say I have to work, we were both retired. He is living off his private pension, I know he has a few thousand pounds in his own account, whereas I am spending everything I earn on food and petrol for myself and my daughter, she works but not full time.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing :) I can only urge you to listen to the advice given here. It comes in many forms, and if something doesn't feel right for you, then it isnt right.
I was told that I should be happy, my DH was faithful, we have a lovely house (notice I dont say 'home' it was never a home)...but so many other things were wrong and I papered over each and ever crack!
But hey, every cloud has a silver lining.. I love my job. I dont earn a lot but I get a huge amount of satisfaction from it. I know this situation with my 'D'H wont last forever. I will eventually have my own place. At least now, I have found the courage to live my life, I can walk out of my own door and not have to spend hours explaining where I am going, who I am seeing and why! :)
Trouble is I cant undo the damage done to our children, and all of our relationshps with each other :(