I am a 26 year old Stay At Home Mum to our DD and DS (4 and 2). We are dairy farming and during peak season my DH works 15 hour days 7 days a week and gets so tired and works very hard. During the couple of months of dry season (no milking), he gets up at a similar time to me and only works between 2-7 hours per day.
During peak time he is never there, and I do all the work in the house and inside the fenceling, including bill paying etc for our business, mind the kids,cooking,cleaning,gardens,bathing,grocery shopping,errands etc. Which is FINE with me, he's busy and that's farming life for you. I dont ask him to do anything, and cook him large meals and try and make life easy for him.
HOWEVER: In the dry season my husband still thinks that its 100% my job to do cooking cleaning etc, and will watch tv and sit online and remind me of the chores I still have left to do, and tell me "our kids are going to turn out shit because you are too weak on them"..
He will do some things if asked, but it's out of the goodness of his heart to help me (he doesnt see it as his obligation as parent), and if he's 'busy' online or too tired, then the answer is no. He won't get up to the kids during the night unless I beeeegggg him and he will sometimes begrudgingly do it, but says "Dont ask me again, it's your job".
He has bouts of clinical depression as well as mild anxiety disorder and OCD tendancies, very clean and tidy and organized, and doesn't understand how it is to be in a housefull of kids. He has no younger siblings (I have 6 younger siblings) and he moved straight from his parents house to my house on the day we were married. (where as I moved out of home at 16 and have had a previous 2 year live in relationship).
Am I justified in thinking he should be more of a helper and parent when he's at home during the dry season and contribute just as much as me? like maybe cook a dinner, (which he has only once in 5 years ever done) vaccuum, bath the kids, fold washing etc?