Wife binge eating

[Daltic]

hello everyone I am not a regular here but my wife has used the site for many years I am hoping to gain some advice from neutral people that I can't get in real life. I am concerned about my wife's eating habits but I'll start by saying she is a normal weight, that is she is slim and within a healthy BMI so I guess I can't say it is damaging her health but it's not normal and that makes me worried that something is wrong with her that she's not sharing. She eats quite healthy during the day, for instance today she had 2 shredded wheat things with a bit of sugar then a fruit smoothie so that's all healthy. For lunch she had half a subroll (made herself with wholemeal roll) filled with salmon, peppers, spring onion, cucumber and cheese. she made me one too and it was very nice. Again healthy, normal meal. For dinner she had cod fishcakes with salad and a bit of pasta. All this seems like a healthy diet BUT we went to bed at 10.45 and at 11pm she got up to go to toilet. She was taking ages so I went down to see if she was ok and she was on the sofa and had eaten a packet of cheese and onions crisps, a packet of salt and vinegar disco crisps, a cereal bar, a fromage frais and a quarter jar of chocolate spread. She got defensive when I walked in and accused me of checking up on her and told me to get lost and leave her alone. But this has happened a few times now and I have also found chocolate in her bedsite cabinet and hidden in her money tin which I think she's also eating on a night time. The thing is I don't care what she eats but I'm worried about why she's hiding it from me and the times she eating all this and the amount. I know she's an adult and I shouldn't tell her what to do but I'm worried she may be stressed or depressed about something. What should I do if anything?

If she is healthy, not bulimic and otherwise happy, then I honestly would not be too worried. Although that is a fair amount to scoff in 15 minutes.

Is her period due? I know I want to eat anything in sight, usually carbs and chocolate just before I am due.

I also often wander up to bed with a crisp sandwich or toast and eat it while reading in bed.

She's just finished her period I think but on the run up she eats more but during the day and not in secret

I'd let it go today.

but if you see it again. Talk to her, tell her what you told us, that you don't mind what she does eat, but you are concerned about her and why. try to open a discussion about if she is anxious, try to show her that you are there for her no matter what and want to help her.

It doesn't sound right, but wait till you see it happening again before you bring the subject up.

The other thing to consider, and this would be longer term, is if she does this, but doesn't gain wait, it could be bulimia.

do you have a close relationship with her family? anyway you could find out if there were any eating disorders in the past? Again, you need to be vigilant for a little while longer to see what's what before showing your hand on this matter, but I think you sound lovely, and really caring about someone who sounds like they are potentially experiencing turmoil at the moment.

Meantime, just be supportive.

Sounds like she has a eating disorder. Just like you can have overweight anorexics, you can have slim binge eaters.

There isnt much you can do but be non-judgemental and hope she opens up and seeks help.

It might be better to tackle what is causing it (stress about work, depression, worry etc) then the binge eating itself, and encourage healthier ways to release stress like excersie (eg running, dancing), or some creative (painting, knitting).

Its a hard cycle to break, she may be healthy now but how about in 5, 10, 15 years from now? Think of it like an alchol additction, these things can take over your life.

If your wife is bulimic then such a problem needs to be tackled earlier rather than later on. Recovery from bulimia is possible but takes an awful long time.

Her denial of any problem by telling you to get lost and leave her alone is indivative of other problems going on here. She is ashamed and frightened by her own actions.

I hope you and she will go to the GP asap; they are a good place to start.

I'd feel quite stressed if a partner was monitoring my diet to this degree tbh. I'd relax and back off for a bit. Whether she has an eating disorder or not, policing her won't be helpful.

You are very right to be worried and your wife needs professional help to overcome her eating disorder. You should encourage her to open up to her GP in the first instance.

Perhaps she is hiding it because your first lines are that she is slim and within a healthy BMI? Perhaps she feels like she cannot pig out once in a while in front of you because you check up on her and you have made an issue of her size and weight?

If she is getting defensive and saying you are checking up on her perhaps you are by monitoring her diet as you seem to know to the nth degree what she had all day and checking on where she keeps treats.

She may hide them there from you or the children so that she has some treats.

If she's slim, and within a healthy BMI, and (importantly) NOT throwing up after she eats, could it have been that after trying to stick to a 'healthy' diet all day. she just wanted some junk?

But I understand that it isn't what she eats that is concerning you, but her attitude to being 'caught'.

Give her a cuddle. Don't badger her for answers just give her a cuddle and tell her how much you love her.

I was a very slim bulimic. BMI means nothing. Does she lock herself in the bathroom after eating? Make excuses to shop alone? Take exceedingly long baths/showers?

Eating in secret is a sign that all is not well, but it is SUCH a delicate topic. I no longer purge but do still binge and although my dh and I have had Frank discussions about eating in the past I still find it difficult if he mentions what or how much I am eating.

If it's a one off though I really wouldn't worry; everyone gets the munchies sometimes.

Sorry, just seen that it has happened more than once and that she has hidden food. You're not my dh are you?

I think its almost becoming an epidemic - can't count the number of women I know who eat "healthily" for main meals (imo too healthily, ie not enough food) and then splurge on chocs and crisps between them.

How is your wife generally OP? Putting aside the eating issue; does she seem stable, balanced? Is she prone to depression - I don't know if you have children, but if you do, how was she post-birth - any PND?

Is she happy with her appearance, and life in general?

Eating disorders are common, but difficult to treat, there is a lot of shame and self-disgust involved, so a gentle, kind approach is necessary. She could be doing this to fill an empty space inside her - feeding her unhappiness. So, how would you describe her state of mind?

It's lovely that you care and want to help her.

op - I hope you don't mind me saying this but you seem to know an awful lot about your DW's personal habits!! You know about her BMI, her periods and specifics about what she is eating. I find it a bit odd that you are taking so much of an interest in her - and i wonder whether it is in fact YOU who is putting her under pressure? She is eating healthily during the day but somethiing makes her eat junk at night/ in secret. Most of us feel an urge to pig out on Monster Munch and chocolate from time to time and there is no harm in indulging once in a while. The worring thing is that she's doing it away from your scrutiny.

Have you considered the role of your own behaviour in this?

Hiding food is never a good sign. Nor is hiding alcohol. The manipulative deception runs through lots of addictions, along with the denial. www.b-eat.co.uk/ - is full of useful information. The longer these things go on the more intractable they become. EDs are very dangerous. I hope you can get the support you need to help your wife through this.

GettingBig :(

Sorry to state the obvious, but you won't be able to hide it forever. Are you getting any help? Even if only on here?

Unmumsnetty ((hug))

I agree with notsogolden - you are overinvolved in your wife's personal life.She is allowed some privacy.

You even list the flavours of the crisps she ate. BACK OFF.

Yeah sorry OP, the fact that you know EXACTLY what she had for breakfast lunch & dinner, her weight & BMI feels a bit controlling. Chill out a bit & relax. The best thing you could do if you see her stuffing junk is to say "oh great, I'd kill for some crisps - can I have one - yum!!!"