I've namechanged to avoid the history colouring the present too much in terms of the responses I get here.
Hope AF and Chickens et al will see this and reply :)
DP and I have one child together and have been together several years but split up earlier this year after general demise of our relationship.
We split up many times short term over the course of our relationship and the same old issues returned everytime we tried again.
We are both with new partners of a few months. I'm happy in my new relationship but still miss DP a lot. DP is happy in his but disatisfied as his new partner is the total opposite to me and the type of woman he goes for historically. She is his breath of fresh air after our tumultuous relationship and he enjoys that.
I've been honest with my new DP about where I'm at in terms of recovery from our split and we have a relaxed set up where we will remain friends whatever happens. We started out as friends incidentally.
ExDP and I had a period of no contact at all to let the dust settle but now have communication due to our child. We spend time together with her and he sees her on his own. We get on fine when we take her out together.
EXDP has been open about his uncertainty whether the split was the right decision and we both agree that we have doubts but that we cannot go back to how it was.
I'm more up for trying to sort our broken relationship and ExDP is considering it but says he is very afraid of going back to what was a stressful set up.
The idea of even trying to fix things has come from him, not me but he knows I didn't want us to split.
We are considering spending time together as a couple but we are both continuing with our new relationships.
I find that this situation eats away at me a lot. He doesn't much like me being with my new man either but neither of us are prepared to give up on current relationships.
EXDP hasn't told his new GF about how he feels about me. She is oblivious. My new BF is aware but probab;ly not of the full extent of my feelings for my old relationship.
The problem is we need the time apart but are finding the time apart very difficult. We have the perfect relationship on paper but in reality it didn't work.
I'm pretty sure I know why but it raises deep fears over long ago issues for EXDP and this is why we never tried Relate or anything. He was just too scared and it was easier to keep on being half arsed in our relationship than to address the issues. What he has learned of course is that an unquestioning easy going new woman may resolve one situation but creates a less satisfying relationship overall.
We are not intimate with each other anymore although he would be if I allowed it, but we are very close - closer than a separated couple should be especially as we are both in new relationships.
Essentially, I don't know what to do.