Recipes for a FUNCTIONAL relationship?

[garlicbutter]

This is an experiment :)

My suggestions include:

1] All money goes into the pot, with an equal amount each for personal use (not kids' treats!)
2] Shared ownership of everything in writing.
3] Three holidays a year - one for her, one for him, one together without DCs, one family together.
4] Weekly date night.
5] Daily compliment, both ways.
6] Weekly family conference, for grievances and plans.
7] No justifications in response to criticism, unless an explanation is needed for practical reasons.
8] Stupid questions like "Where are my keys?" get sensible answers like "I don't know."

Additions, anyone?

That all sounds lovely.....in an ideal world.

9. Respect for the labour - emotional labour too - that each partner provides.

well if we are going for an ideal world....

time and space to do stuff on your own
share household chores
affection - hand holding, cuddling, kissing (and not just for sex)
mutual respect

9] If you want your wife/husband to iron, then it's not a good idea to criticize their first attempt at one of your shirts. If you do, you will be doing all the ironing for the rest of your life.

honesty

TBH, K999, apart from the holidays I thought those were absolute basics!

Yep, animula, family conferences should include praise & recognition too :)
I've known some couples who do a daily round of "thanks" - it sounds a bit icky when you talk about it, but in practise it works a treat. Stating the positives and all that.

You've got a clever DH there, Katie

I have never done a shirt since 1994 garlic

If you don't mind me saying, that sounds like a rather superficial "self-help" type of list. Why can't the basics of honesty, respect, empathy and good manners be enough?

I agree Bennifer-they were going on my list.
Also space to do your own thing.
Not having someone 'in charge' e.g. if DH dressed them in a bizarre colour combination when little just left him to it.
Consistent parenting.
Getting babysitters and going out alone, not saying with a badge of pride 'I wouldn't trust anyone with my DCs, we haven't been out alone for 10 yrs and why would we want to?'
Realising that you each get an extended family and you can see them on your own and that you may have to work at the relationship.

Thats 4 holidays, not 3 .
Sounds nice!

Communication.

I guess GB meant three holidays each - four in total - still sounds very nice -

Why on earth would you want seperate holidays, plus a holiday without your children?

They aren't dependant forever, people should cherish the few short years you get with them.

you havent met my kids

Mal, there are lots of couples who 'forget' who they are - lose their own identity, and stop 'seeing' their partner - and it's a difficult position to recover from.

Of course I agree, everyone, about communication, trust, honesty and freedom. Those things are easily lost or taken too much for granted, though; I was looking for ways to ensure them. Well, as far as you can anyway - or, at least, to specify them so you don't end up with 2 different ideas about what they mean.

Agree with you all about family relationships and equal responsibility, too :)

Heh, if it's so easy to know, why is it so hard to do??!!

Don't live in each other's pockets. Have time on your own to pursue your own interests.

Always be able to stand on your own two feet so that you are together because you want to be not because you feel you have to be.

Don't let yourself go (applies to both), try to stay healthy and interested / interesting.

Stay you and respect that he will stay himself (don't take him on as a 'project')

Good manners maketh man (and woman) it seems such a simple thing but polite behaviour helps to keep the cogs turning in a relationship. please, thank you, hello, goodbye and some consideration (would you like some help with that?) are my top recommendations along with having the same view of running finances.

We have never had one argument about money, because we trust each other to spend the family money wisely and we do spend it wisely. Bills and household expenditure is paid for first, some savings then the children's stuff and lastly we have our own money, if there is any, to spend on exactly what we want - boys weekend away for him nights out with the girls for me. And for a long time there was no money left over for us but the bills were always paid and we both had no personal money. so did'nt resent each other.

Don't agree with the separate hols, would say 3] both compromise on sex - lower sexed partner needs to up it and higher sexed one needs to diy on occasion.

DH would agree with Katie - don't criticise DP early efforts if you want help by them.