Can an affair last forever?

[HauntedLittleLunatic]

Obviously the relationship can last forever...but can you be the OW or OM at infinitum?

Or do all/most affairs fizzle out because they (must?) require hard work to maintain the secrecy.? And if they don't fizzle out you get found out or walk out to be with your new partner.

So what sort of range of timescales does the secrecy last in an affair?

Well looking at newspaper reports for Gordon Ramseys father in law, he seems to have had affairs spanning decades that have went uncovered.

I do believe some people could have an affair for infinitum as long as both parties were satisfied with the way things were and were not looking to change the situation (ie pressing the other to leave)

Katharine Hepburn, Spencer Tracey, nuff said. As I understood the story it was never exactly a secret, although the wife claimed not to have known.

I know one that lasted more than 30 years. It really just depends on how happy both parts involved are with the situation.

Thanks...but are these exceptions rather than the norm?

I guess it is hard to know...

You hear about affairs that have been going on as long as the marriage!

seems that it was at one point in history very very common among our lords and masters. I wonder if that is still the case?

The story of the rich and powerful man having a wife and kids in the country and setting up a mistress in a flat in the City is a common one that seems very long term.

I don't know the answer to your question though. I suppose some do some don't. Probably it is more often a series of affairs each lasting a shorter time rather than one affair lasting 20 years.

An ex colleague had an affair for his entire married life 30 odd years.

A (married) friend is having an affair with a mm which has been going on for almost ten years.

I think it'll be less common nowadays. A careless email or text... People today expect regular communication in a way that was impossible in the past. I know someone who was working in New York once a month and carrying on an affair with someone there - no real chance of ever being seen together. However the affair was discovered due to an email that his wife saw one day when he was working at home.

Good point forty.

I also think that the male and female partner's social circles tend to have more overlap these days, compared to teh "olden days" when couples tended to socialise seperately much more than they do now.

I think that we only ever hear about the ones that go wrong, get found out or come clean. We aren't gong to hear about the affairs that stay discreet and hidden. If it's not in anyone's interest to talk about it then they won't. If both parties are content to keep the secrecy going then they might just stay undiscovered. Email and text is obviously a problem because the wrong person could access them. Meetings and phone calls are less likely to be discovered. Also unless a couple are actually caught in the act then things can be denied quite easily.

I'm no expert by the way :o

I suspect a part correct answer to the OP is that affairs can remain an ongoing secret so long as the two affair partners are content for the relationship to remain an affair and neither wants the 'walking off into the sunset hand in hand' scenario.

I read somewhere that the average duration of an affair is two years and that they are normally ended by the woman. Obviously you can't generalise about how long any one relationship is going to last. I know of one which lasted for 40 years.

Yes.
i know of one lasting 30plus years till the man died.
One ongoing 17 years at least. both persons very happy with the arrangement and I know the NEVER text, email, or leave any identifiable trail.

agree wth AlouiseG

and you don't hear about it because it's analogous to "plane lands safely " as news headline

I believe you don't hear about them because it makes people uncomfortable to accept that, sometimes, the "morally wrong" option actually "wins". It is much more self-reaffirming to believe that all cheaters do eventually get caught, that the OW's go on to have a miserable life, that karma catches up with everybody. But in life, as with the Nazis who died peacefully in their beds in a mansion in the Caribbean, the "bad ones" do not always pay, they sometimes get away with it, and the "good people" are left to pick up the pieces of their lives.

Yes, I know of many, many affairs who never get found. My mom is, for instance, one of these women that has been cheated on many, many times, and still "has no idea". Probably by choice. She'd rather believe she has the perfect little family with a wonderful DH. Who does whatever he wants, whenever he feels like to, with whoever he chooses.

XMil has been having an affair with the same married man for 30 odd years. It started before she left XPs father and has carried on since, despite him still being with his wife. I don't think she has ever found out

They are both happy with teh situation.

This relationship caused many arguments betwen XP and myself.

aurynne, so true

A couple we knew had an affair for over 25 years. It was common knowledge but still remained "The Lust That Dare Not Speak Its Name". Eventually, he deemed that his children were old enough to cope (they'd left university by then) and he left his wife for the OW. No great drama ensued but it all seemed tawdry.

Charles & Camilla?

Perhaps they continue for longer when they don't let real life intrude too much.

If the couple concerned don't want to leave their respective spouses/partners, and so ordinary everyday life doesn't have to be lived, they can stay in their soft focus 'bubble' as long as they want.