should I explain to MiL?

[notsorted]

Hi, after very shaky patch OH and I are back together. Had a rough couple of years and I did talk to his parents especially MiL re help with DS and stuff that was happening at home - OH left for a while. Anyway, getting back together things improving. Had lovely day with MiL, cousin etc recently but this weekend FiL has invited his son and grandson over. I offered to come as OH doesn't always enjoy his father's company, but was told that FiL hadn't invited me. OH is not standing up for me. I won't go where not wanted and have said that I feel hurt and that OH could stand up for me. I don't hold grudges and feel that while MiL is trying to help, FiL is not helping. Wrote email to MiL saying didn't hold grudges and don't like those that do and that OH's family are very welcome by me hope to see them soon. Should I send? Ignore what's happened? Or express feelings to OH? I don't want DS not to see his only grandparents.

You shouldn't send an email that says "you don't hold grudges and don't like those who do". It sounds like you're having a dig (because you are) - not to mention you're not even intending to send it to the person you have the issue with. You'll end up upsetting your MIL and worsening the situation with FIL.

Personally I'd wait for the dust to settle and for your FIL to see you're back together for good.

Can't understand your FILs position - seems he is blaming you for the break up and as you say bearing grudges. Oh just thought is it anything to do with father's day this weekend, and him being father to his son and not you? If not then I think both your FIL and OH are being unreasonable. Why is OH so reluctant to confront his father, especially when you say that your OH doesn't always enjoy his father's company. Not sure about bringing MIL in and if you do I would talk on the phone, rather than e mail. I think this is one of those cases where e mails don't work - can be misinterpreted etc. It would be even better if you could speak to your FIL on the phone and tell him how you feel. Mind it doesn't bode well for your reunion if OH is not prepared to stand up for you.

Don't send it. It's clearly FIL with the issue, and if you and MIL have a good relationship it's not worth souring it or giving FIL any sort of stick to beat you with.

Your issue should be with OH - he should be making it clear to his Dad that he is with you and as the mother of his child he should be treating you with civility and as a member of the family.

And I'd let your dh and ds go over to see them without you. I'd invite them over for a sunday roast or bbq in the fairly near future.

thanks. Inviting them over is good idea except that FiL sees his house as his castle and rarely goes outside it. He's the kind of man who likes standing in front of his fireplace lording it ... Think yes probably my issue with FiL. Other grandfather died and I'm main breadwinner. Am cross with both OH and FiL and think they both not being so good. Is it father's day this weekend?

I was just about to say its possibly a fathers day thing but somebody already beat me to it, its next week though i think, or he may be doing something next week so has organised it this week, sorry didnt mean to butt in when i dont know the whole story, only adding my first thought which was that x

Fathers day is on the 19th.

I would't send the email. Let the boys go and treat yourself to a day shopping/meet friends for lunch? But talk to DH and tell him to let FIL know that you two are back together and that FIL should be inviting you next time.