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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

just briefly - who should i call - if anyone, dh gone off the rails and is missing?

38 replies

highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:13

lost his job a week ago
been binge drinking for a week
and today he hasnt come home, i dont know when he went out. i was at work, but it was before 2.30

who should i call without getting too worried?

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 10/06/2011 21:15

Tough one, can you contact any of his friends? see if they know anything?

Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:16

sigh.
no real friends .

OP posts:
Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:17

i shall assume he is in the pub/sleeping in the car/ and no news is good news.
am holding it together for dds.

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 10/06/2011 21:18

yes I suppose no news is good news.

Hope you hear soon. when it all dies down, you need some support from Al-Anon.

Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:19

thanks hissy.

OP posts:
milkysmum · 10/06/2011 21:21

Your right he's probably in the pub. My DH used to behave like this on occasions a few years ago. Thoughts are with you, it's horrible having to just wait. If he comes in later when your up I'd save too many questions till he's sober. Your likely not to get any answers/ explanations you want this evening and will only end up getting more upsett XX

hobbgoblin · 10/06/2011 21:21

no harm in calling police don't be afraid to :)

They will risk assess

Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:22

thanks.

OP posts:
CroissantNeuf · 10/06/2011 21:24

Do you know of any of his regular drinking haunts?

You could phone them or go and see if he's there? (or send a friend if you can't go)

hobbgoblin · 10/06/2011 21:25

just to add... that way you don't carry guilt if he were in need and you didn't act, and they assess the situation objectively; you've then done all you can.

Take care, I hope things improve once he has got over the loss.

Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:25

gosh i have done that before croissant. a long time ago, when i knew his local.
good idea though.

OP posts:
Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:26

mm, fair point hobgoblin

OP posts:
Maryz · 10/06/2011 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 10/06/2011 21:31

Is he depressed? Sounds like it very much so.

Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:32

i know, i keep thinking if he ends up in hospital or what not, they will find me to inform me as he has his mobile and wallet on him. but am grateful for any advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:32

i think he is depressed yes. or at least the alcohol makes him, more so especially. h e was crying when drunk earlier int he week.

OP posts:
hobbgoblin · 10/06/2011 21:35

Honestly, don't fret over whether you are over reacting. Just give non emergency number a call and then leave it in their hands. Tell them the background and they will respond appropriately.

Also, if the police do turf him out of whatever 'cave' he has run off to then it may be a catalyst to him resolving things more helpfully. It might not but it cannot hurt for him to see the impact his behaviour is having on his life in the broader sense - not least his immediate family. No guilt trip, but a reality check perhaps.

Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:36

gulp

OP posts:
CroissantNeuf · 10/06/2011 21:37

Is his phone on?

Would he respond to a text along the lines of "I'm worried. Please just text back so I know you're OK or I will phone police in 1 hour. I just need to know you are OK."

That way you're not (in his eyes) giving him a hard time just getting across the message that you have been left not knowing whats going on and are worried for his well-being

Original poster
highwaster · 10/06/2011 21:42

will try the text, have obviously left verbal mesages. but - he is not a great mobile phone user.

OP posts:
MollysChamber · 10/06/2011 21:45

Seriously if you have concerns that something may have happened to him phone the police.

Not the emergency line, call your local station direct.

Maryz · 10/06/2011 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maleview70 · 10/06/2011 22:34

He will turn up don't worry too much. he probably just needs space. Men don't take things like this very well at all. Generally men are good at drinking and finding their way home

maleview70 · 10/06/2011 22:35

I also wouldnt call the police yet as if he is asleep in his car and has his keys on him I think they can charge for drink driving.

hobbgoblin · 10/06/2011 22:50

maleview - better a drink driving charge than a disaster surely? Is that really the primary concern?

I believe the police operate a degree of empathy and pargmatism in such situations.

You are probably right that all is well but there is reason to be concerned here given the week's events and ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry from my perspective of bitter experience.