What do you do when you've totally fucked up?

[katieko]

This is my first ever post, I've only recently started looking on this site for some advice and to see how people in a similar siutation to me deal with things (my boyfriend is separated, not yet divorced, with 2 children), but I've totally fucked up this morning before work, and I don't know what to do. Everyone seems really helpful on here and I'm sorry I know this may seem really trivial compared to what other people have got going on...

I said something really horrible, out of spite, because when we fight I feel like he doesn't listen to me, so I said something which I knew would hurt and he would have to respond. Oh god I don't actually want to type what I said it's that horrible.. I said I could see why his ex-wife tried to kill herself.. I'm the worst person in the world. And now I don't know what to do. I've sent a really long email explaining how ashamed of myself I am, trying to explain how I'm feeling in general with everything... Now I'm just trying to give him some space. It's hard.

Has anyone been as horrible as me but been lucky enough to get the other person to forgive you?

I think you probably need to address a number of things to sort this out - namely both your communication skills, if he's not listening and in order for you to be heard you need to say something so dreadful in order to get his attention. Perhaps some counselling would help?

now you will see how committed he is to you, and how ready he is to be involved with you given his circumstance. you have made a mistake and apologies. thats all you can do. dont overdue the apology you sound like youve been heartfelt. you must give him space now

I don't think he's the man for you anyway, if you don't feel like he's listening to what you're saying.

Seeing someone with children who isn't yet divorced is often tricky. His marriage was obviously unhappy and he told you in confidence I assume that his ex tried to kill herself. I wonder how happy she would be, knowing you know that?

I think you were right to apologise. I also think you need to look very carefully at whether you want someone who can't communicate.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better but the fact is - he has probably punished himself enough and will do so forever over this. He didn't need you to join in. If he can get over what you've said then he is a better person than I would be and you probably don't deserve him.

Yep, that was a pretty vile thing to say - why were you arguing anyway? How long into the relationship are you? You are alredy saying things like that? so i assume it was a pretty serious argument. You just have to wait and see what he does, but he must be pretty angry with you just now but i would be questioning where it is going tbh if you are already arguing