DH and I have done a Myers Brigg test recently. Apart from him criticising the way I filled in the form (!), it told us what we/I already knew, that we are polar opposites.
Not always a bad thing I know. We are both very practical people, and have many commonalities, in terms of what we expect of our future as a family, what we want for our boys etc., and we have both been in love, and at least for the first couple of years DH seemed to know the usual/expected signals of love/coupledom - holding hands, calling before the end of the day, one or two things to let me know he was thinking of me when I was standing in front of him, and he has been incredibly supportive through a couple of very diff. pg.s and first years when the boys were babies and I was sick.
Pretty early on though (6 months into dating?) he stopped doing very much in the way of PDAs (not necessarly a problem, we were 30, not 15 :-) , but very soon started to insist that he's not very affectionate but that he does love me.
As far as possible I have tried to take this in my stride, despite being extremely passionate and emotional (yes, as well as practical, all in one bundle), because I respected him, loved him, felt secure with him, and knew that he would always be loyal.
Thing is, we are now, 10 years on, at a point where he second guesses many of my decisions, says black when I say white, barely seems to notice i'm there (untill he wants me to roll over at night) and just seems happier when working. He ADORES our boys, and I see his face light up when he comes home to them, and when he's sitting/playing/with one of them, he is happy, laughing/engrossed...gives them spontaneous cuddles and kisses, and spends time making sure they're content and "covered".
So, I no longer buy the "i'm just a very contained person, and I don't show my affections easily (at all)".... this should be in aibu, but of course it isn't. What do you think?
Am I just spoilt. I've loved two other men in my life, one of htem for 7 years, so I'm not expecting perfection, but with both of them, even at the darkest moments, there would be a spark, moment between us - a pull, or connection. We just don't have anything like that.
I'm so tired, and so over trying so hard, not trying, laying it o0n hte line, ignoring it.... just "being" to see what happens next... and nothing on his side seems to change. Except that very old, and unpleasant story, that he wakes up when he comes to bed, and feels like a roll in the sack. Interestingly, I have become less and less responsive to this one sign of spontaneity.
Cheers,
J