I am probably quite insane but can't seem to help myself...

[CarryingTheCanAgain]

I am desperately madly completely head over heels in love with a man who doesn't seem to feel the same... We currently consider ourselves flatmates, although we have slept together on and off ever since meeting.

The trouble is he went through an awful separation with his ex a few years ago and has had a nightmare of access issues regarding his DC ever since because his ex is a total cnut.. He's been upfront about his feelings right from the start - his ex put him off relationships and he doesn't see himself getting into that position ever again (although he occasionally softens on this point and says he might some day).

Sometimes it seems like something could happen with us - although we are just friends we quite often get really close and spend evenings cuddling etc and on the very rare occasion we even sleep together.. But then after a while things go back to normal, this platonic misery.. I'm sure he has some feelings for me but suspect they are limited to fondness rather than passion or love which breaks my heart because I truly adore him.

I don't know if I should keep hanging on to see if he'll realise I'm nothing like her and totally perfect for him or somehow separate myself from it and walk away.. We have plans to stay as flatmates for a few years as we both have plans for the future that involve saving every penny.. I cannot bear the thought of abandoning him..

Sorry this has gotten so long... I guess I just want someone to tell me how to stop this madness.. Please?

i have very little advice, only empathy. Ithink you do need to have an honest talk with him, explain the situation hurts too much, is going nowhere & you need to move on a little.

please report back, will be thinking of you.

I'm having trouble finding the inclination time but I am going to talk to him. I just really dont know what to say. Have to decide what my plan of action will be in the event he says he doesn't feel the same. I'll probably have to start saving so I can get my own place. He can't afford the rent here on his own so he'll have to move too. It's tearing me up just thinking about it, especially thinking I might hurt him . I will let you all know what happens..

I hate to break it to you, but he'll just get another flatmate to replace you - because that's likely all you are to him anyway.
Good luck with the conversation.

Op, put a practical hat on here. If you move out, he can move somewhere smaller himself or get another flat mate. It doesn't have to be you paying the other half of the rent, even if you want it to be.

Good luck.

My advice is to forget the practicalities of breaking up for a minute and find out what you both truly feel about each other and what realistic expectations you each have for what you want out of life.

You may have spoken before, this time you need to both be totally honest. What ever happens, you will at least know exactly where you both stand and can make decisions based on the truth rather than the uncertainty you are experiencing now.

God please don't break your heart over some imaginary hurt he might feel - it's just another way of putting off the day when you have to confront the way he's wasted/wasting your time.

"I cannot bear the thought of abandoning him" - he is a grown man. If he's old enough to have sex then he's old enough to live on his own. I think what you really mean is "I can't bear to be alone and have to realise that I am not necessary to him".