I'm really confused right now. I've been with my husband for 20 years (16 years of them married). We have 2 great kids who we adopted after lots of hassle. Now when things should be great I can't help but feel we've reached the end of the line.
My husband is a depressive and finds it hard to keep a job and the last straw came in June when he lost his temper completely and threw me around the kitchen a few times and left me with bruising and a broken rib. He is contrite and would do anything to put things right and initially I felt the same. I tried for 3 months but eventually told him I couldn't continue. (His moods and depression continued and I just felt I couldn't stand any more walking on egg shells with him and never knowing what mood he'd be in). Combined with the moods, my husband is quite controlling and gets jealous very easily so this has also contributed to my decision to end things.
He's still in the house and has at last agreed to move out but this won't be until (at the earliest) the end of the month. The atmosphere is 'interesting' and I am now so stressed out that I am not coping very well with this. On top of this I feel so guilty. My kids were a real gift and we were supposed to provide them with a stable home and look what they've got. My daughter (she's 10) and I are going through a very stormy time and I know that I should calm down to avoid any further upsets. Does anyone have any advice for me?
It's weird, at first I was so strong, but whether it's the combination of Christmas coming up and the dark nights but I now feel totally wasted and unable to feel positive. Am I a total bitch to break up my marriage? I just feel that I can't ever feel the same about him again.