Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Breaking up

5 replies

Tish · 16/11/2005 23:04

I'm really confused right now. I've been with my husband for 20 years (16 years of them married). We have 2 great kids who we adopted after lots of hassle. Now when things should be great I can't help but feel we've reached the end of the line.
My husband is a depressive and finds it hard to keep a job and the last straw came in June when he lost his temper completely and threw me around the kitchen a few times and left me with bruising and a broken rib. He is contrite and would do anything to put things right and initially I felt the same. I tried for 3 months but eventually told him I couldn't continue. (His moods and depression continued and I just felt I couldn't stand any more walking on egg shells with him and never knowing what mood he'd be in). Combined with the moods, my husband is quite controlling and gets jealous very easily so this has also contributed to my decision to end things.
He's still in the house and has at last agreed to move out but this won't be until (at the earliest) the end of the month. The atmosphere is 'interesting' and I am now so stressed out that I am not coping very well with this. On top of this I feel so guilty. My kids were a real gift and we were supposed to provide them with a stable home and look what they've got. My daughter (she's 10) and I are going through a very stormy time and I know that I should calm down to avoid any further upsets. Does anyone have any advice for me?
It's weird, at first I was so strong, but whether it's the combination of Christmas coming up and the dark nights but I now feel totally wasted and unable to feel positive. Am I a total bitch to break up my marriage? I just feel that I can't ever feel the same about him again.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 17/11/2005 09:38

Bumping thread so it doesn't just drop off active conversations...

lou33 · 17/11/2005 09:41

No advice, just lots of sympathy

I separated from my h on monday after 17/12 years and 4 kids together. He was never physical with me, but was controlling. It was hard and emotional , him going, but i feel it was the right thing to do, and although initially it will be harder for me, i am positive about the future for the first time in years.

Good luck.

eefs · 17/11/2005 09:44

Tish, you've been together 20 years and 16 of them married - you've given it your best shot, don't feel guilty for deciding to end it now, I think you have more than enough reason.
You will still be able to give your children a great home, and quite possible a better home than the tension-filled one they have now. Two happy separated parents are better than unhappy together ones.
best of luck with whatever you decide.

Tish · 17/11/2005 19:33

Thanks to lou33 and eefs. It's good to know that neither of you have branded me a complete selfish cow - 'cos that's how I feel quite a lot of the time. Glad to hear that you (lou33) are so positive. I hope that I can be as strong as you, but I do believe that,as you felt, moving on into a new life is the right thing to do.
Any more advice out there?

OP posts:
bsg · 17/11/2005 20:50

If he pushed you around once then he will no doubt do it again. It is actually better for the children if you are apart. No child needs to witness that and children do pick up on any tension between parents. 20 years is a long time but if you are not relaxed then you will never be happy. This is just my personal opinion and i am only giving you my perspective on the situation.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread