Distancing himself from his DS

[timetomove]

I have always thought of my brother as being very close to his DS who is 7. However, in recent months he seems to be disengaging and really losing interest in him. For example:-

1. he seems to largely ignore him now when before he played with him a lot and they had lots of in-jokes;
2. he currently has 50:50 shared care. This seems to me to have worked well since he split up with his ex 3 years ago. He wants to change the arrnagements so his ex becomes the main carer and he sees him every other weekend and maybe once during the week.
3. he needs to move house and is looking at 1 bed flats. he could afford to rent a 2 bed although admittedly probably not in his ideal location (but not too far away).

I assume I should not get involved, but if I don;t who will? Not sure quite what i would say to him anyway. My sister has expressed the view that is it becuase he is ready for a new relationship and maybe thinks DS will hamper this, but that makes it even worse I think!

Sorry, realise I did not ask a question. Just wanted thoughts on what I shoudl do to help my nephew.

Hello - didn't want to leave your message unanswered.

First thing I'd say is that if you want to get involved and ask your bro what's going on I don't think it's unreasonable. However it is his life and so that would have to be approached very carefully because even in just asking nicely there is a risk he could take it as you being judgemental. If you can bring it up delicately you might get the answers you're after.

In terms of why he seems to be moving this way emotionally I can make some guesses for you, but that's all they'd be, and I don't know the back story to his split or if there's stress and strain between him and his ex, or if he had to fight for 50:50 in the first place.

If it is because he wants a new relationship and thinks DS would get in the way that is a sad thing and I'd argue doesn't necessarily follow. In fact I'd argue that his chances of meeting someone new who is truly lovely would be increased by the responsiblity of being a 50:50 parent - not because lovely people are attracted to people with children, but because by definition any new partner would have to be understanding in that situation of there being someone else whose life he revolves around. And if they're that understanding they're lovely and they think a lot of him!

But ultimately it is his decision.

Also for some context I'm a divorced Dad who wanted 50:50 but unfortunately have an ex who could only stomach every other weekend and one night a week (short version of that story!) I have to believe that this is still enough time to build a fantastic relationship with my DS so he knows I'm there for him when he needs me and doesn't feel rejected, so if your bro changes to that pattern it might not be a disaster. Probably better he throws himself into that pattern with everything he's got than keeps going 50:50 but his heart isn't in it?

Sorry- don't really know what to say but didn't want to leave you dangling!

Do you have a close relationship with your brother? If so, could you maybe bring up just one thing, I.e. Casually ask about renting a 1 bed place?

Only you can judge whether you have the type of relationship where you candiscuss things like this, I guess?

Much more helpful post from #3!!

The other thing I'd say isthat you can help your nephew by being a lovely auntie, give him some of your time and make him feel able to come to you if he needs to?

Thanks. I go through phases with my brother, so it is right that I will need to tread gently, but you have given me the confidence to at least say something. Maybe I'll offer to help him flat hunt and show him a few 2 bed places