Have been married for nearly 9 years, 2DC 7 and 4. We're miserable and have been for 3 years now. Sometimes there is some respite and we have had some good holidays. Sometimes I feel flickers of affection for DH and most of the time we rub along OK. Sex is perfunctory. We have had some epic rows and this week they reached a climax. We have brought out the worst in each other and he has been cruel in a way I never thought possible. He is not fundamentally a bad man, and has many fine and admirable qualities. TBH, I have at times been a right bitch. His career demands have meant that my CV is a mess and I have been forced to give up 3 jobs, (the last one I really loved) and move out of London. I am desperate to go back to work for some self-esteem and identity, I am not a natural SAHM. I am bored to tears at home.
We are stuck in an impasse. Neither of us will leave. Me because I am the product of a toxic divorce and him because I think he fears the shame of it. He comes from a very conventional background.
I love my DC so much that I cannot put them through what I went through and I feel as if I have to resign myself to unhappiness but the thought of spending the next 40 years with somebody I no longer love makes me feel sick with dread. We have tried Relate - total waste of time.
Any thoughts very gratefully received.