Help please

[mowmi]

my husband and I are separating and things are vile between us. We are currently living in the same house but this can not continue! We have a 1 year old son in the middle of all this horribleness.
I want him to move out but he is refusing! He says he will no longer contribute to the house but refuses to move! He can't afford to pay the mortgage on his own but I can (if I rent a room) he says he won't let the house be rented or sold he is just digging his heels in. I'm beginning to think my only option is to walk away and let it be repossesed! We're in negative equity as it is so I'm screwed.
I'm so upset that he won't put his son first in all this.

Any advice?

X

Hello

Is the mortgage joint? If so, he has as much right to be there as you do, as shit as that is.

You both have a right to be there actually.

You need to get yourself a solicitor and now.

Have a look HERE if you haven't already. They can help give you practical advice re the house and also tell you where you stand in terms of your DC.

Can I ask why you are seperating?

I don't love him anymore, I would have put that to one side for sake of our son but he's not arsed about him either... He's constantly spending money on shit when we have debt that I'm doing my best to get on top of...just can't do it anymore.
Mortgage is joint... Just thought he might put his son first.
Will look for solicitor tomorrow.
Appreciate the reply x

Oh.

Right my love, get yourself into gear. Put your emotions in a jar for a few days, you need to get practical.

First thing tomorrow, get yourself some legal representation. You'll get a free half hour with most places. Make a list of everything that you want to happen, what's been said between you, keep any texts that he sends, log any calls.

Get your passport, all important docs, DCs birth cert etc.... all in one place so you know where they are. Can you take stuff like that to your mums?

Incase he starts playing funny buggers and locks you out?

I take it that he is NOT up for this? I'm guessing that actually he's really hurt so that's why he's digging his heels in?

You need to keep it calm and tranquil for your DC. One year old is nothing in the grand scheme of things and actually, I admire you for getting out if you don't love him and aren't happy.

IMO - better than staying in a loveless relationship.

Be brave, get your head together and talk to your friends/family for support. Let them help you.

You can do this in the right way, even if he protests. xx

Also, if he won't consider his own child, then YOU have to.

Don't get involved in rows, walk away. I know that is really easy for me to say but I've been in your shoes.

You will get through this, it will take time but you have to be fair to him, and listen to what he says. After all, it's not as if he has abused you or cheated on you, is it?

how long have you been together?

is your anger stopping you from loving him, and everything that has happened has snowballed?

hes being an arse for sure but does he love you?

sorry if im being insensitive asking just interested since your dc is only one and ime the first years are really hard on the relationship; adjusting to parenthood etc

Thanks both, I'm not heart broken just angry - I'm so angry he won't put our beautiful boy ahead of trying to mess me up. Believe me my boy comes before anything and I will always put him first - part of me is doing this for him too because his father lies, has low self esteem and behaves like a child and I don't want my son turning out the same!
We've been together 5 years....it might be anger clouding the love but I've lost respect for him over the last year or so...
I haven't told anyone in the real world this but he spat in my face on saturday ( yes it's logged!)
Good pointer on the docs!
Thankfully I have amazing friends and a decent job

X

Oh my love.

Get yourself together and all the things that you might need. Think of it as an emergency overnight bag, like when you had DC. Pack a bag and talk to your friends.

If he becomes agrresive, violent, tries to stop you doing this, then you need to have the things that you'll need to hand. In the boot of your car for example.

Take your time. Do this properly and make sure that he knows you are serious.

I'm so sorry that he spat in your face. How awful xx

My next door neighbour is wonderful, knows what's going on and has offered escape whenever we need it. Will leave bag and docs with her (she's also my little ones cm so has stuff fir him if needed)
What sort of a man spits at the mother of his child???? Wouldn't even cross my mind to do!! Do I share with solicitor at this stage?
Will call solicitor tomorrow and see on fri if possible.
Really appreciate the electronic support...will update soon x

Tell the solicitor everything. What a disgusting thing he did.

Do you have your finances separate now? If not, that should be a priority.

Yep, what atswim says. You have to be totally honest from the start, no drip feeding, just lay it all out.

You have nothing to hide.

Again, agree with atswim - you need to independent here. But I should imagine that you are self sufficient.

He tried to apologise and broke down last night... It was much easier when he was being a t@&t!
Told him I couldn't go on like this and got myself to bed out the way.

does this mean you are now talking and working through this? staying together

Really don't know if I can stay with a man who can spit in my face... But finding it hard to split my son from his father.

Why is life so tough x

if hes willing to change and makes things work then allow him to apologise and see if you can draw a line and agree things mustnt escalate to this level again so you move on together

Your son is 1, he will adapt.

You however will never heal if you don't deal with this. he has no right to treat you like this.

I wouldn't stay with a man that spat at me. It's got to be the most massive of insults.