Advice for friend in same sex abusive relationship

[AKissIsNotAContract]

A good friend of mine has been in an abusive relationship with her female partner for 3 years. She is physically and mentally abusive towards her, tries to isolate her from her friends, puts her down and is very controlling. I've seen such a big change in her and try my best to support her. I've suggested that she contacts women's aid and reads 'living with the dominator'. I know it was written about men but presumably it would apply?

Can anyone tell me if I'm doing the right thing or is there support specifically for women in same sex abusive situations?

Thanks.

Strange no one has posted on this thread, usually there is lots of advice for DV.

I dont know what to suggest apart from re-posing it but describe the abuser as a male and watch how many ravenous man-hating replies you get.

Of course you are doing the right thing.

The gender or sexual orientation of either the victim or perpetrator is irrelivent.

IF she is being abused then she needs to follow the same steps any victims would.

I hope she has followed your advice and contacted Womens aid. They will be able to advise her on the best steps forward in her local area.

Jbellingham - not quite sure what you are getting at with that comment. I assume you are trying to make teh point that Mn is somehow prejudice against same sex relationships?

No i am making the comment that the thread was posted 2 days ago and no one replied, and I was inferring that a lot of people on here are anti-men when it comes to DV but same sex DV or husband bashing is ignored (for at leat 2 days).

Show me another thread on here where a woman who is the victim of DV is left unanswered for 2 days.

Broken Rainbow might be of some help. They have information and advice pages specifically for LGBT people in abusive relationships, and a (limited hours) helpline as well. They might at the very least be able to 'convince' her for want of a better word that abuse within same-sex relationships is just as common as in other relationships, that she's not alone, and that the action she needs to take is exactly the same.

Otherwise, just support and advise your friend in exactly the same way as you would were she in a relationships with a man. I don't have any personal experience or advice to offer, just didn't want to leave this unanswered when you're doubtless so concerned about a friend. Best wishes to the both of you.

Hi AKiss, I'm sure women's aid was a good recommendation in any case, but there is also specific support out there for those experiencing domestic violence in a same-sex relationship. Broken Rainbow have a helpline and advice that might be able to help your friend, and there is a number of links to other relevant organisations on their website too.

Second Broken Rainbow, but I believe WA will also be able to help. I've read a number of books recommended on here and by DV support worker and although they're written from a female victim / male perpetrator POV I've found them to be not only relevant but helpful. A couple do actually point out that they're written based on the author's professional experience but are equally useful in other circumstances and just to swap gender pronouns where appropriate.

JBellingham, you couldn't be more wrong. I've posted a couple of times about my experiences and had a large number of replies offering nothing but help and support within hours.

JBellingham, the slow response is probably because, like the OP, many readers don't know the answer to the question.

You're being a very good friend and raising an important issue.

Encourage your friend to read and to contact support organisations for DV, and to report - please, please please -if she has been harmed or threatened.

I would say that it's the exaect same as dv within a heterosexual relationship. She needs support and help, and if she can and is willing to accept that she is living in a dv situation, she should contact a helpline asap. I honestly don't think it matters what the sexual orientation of the relationship is... also I'm sure that there are plenty of men being sexually and physically and emotionally battered as we sit reading all this! Women can be just as bad, I know that for sure, unfortunately I have had personal experience of it (not sexual abuse, but extreme verbal and emotional and physical abuse).

I really hope your friend gets the help she needs soon.

Thanks for all your advice. I will recommend broken rainbow to her. What I really want is for her to just get away and stay in my spare room. I'll just have to be patient and let her do things in her own time. It's so hard to stand by while a mate is being abused.