Dh let slip he was once diagnosed with bipolar -

[Polecat2011]

We have been married for 8 years together longer. When he is nice he is really lovely but at times he is odd. He told me he suffered from depression and he denied it was manic depression. He denied it so strenuously that it struck me as odd. He takes no medication for it. Occasionally I have said that he rants, that he doesn't do "panic" buying but "manic" buying. He must have thought I knew he was bipolar when he let it slip. Not sure how to react, am a bit scared, and turned off. Can you help?

I can't help, but I would suggest both of you speaking to a doctor, together, to see where to take things from here.

He would now deny he had let it slip. He thinks all doctors are charlatans. Even when not manic or depressed his thinking is sometimes odd. He is very successful in his profession, except rarely when he is very depressed and off work. He is superficially very charming but has no male friends. What should I think?

he clearly knows his own problem,and you cant force treatment on him

how has life been.....has he ever been aggressive or violent? dangerous?

Odd isn't really a description. Do you know anything about the illness?

He isn't physically aggressive, but can be cruel sometimes unintentionally, often not.

I have googled the illness, but whilst I have learned lots about manic phases and lots about depressive times, nothing explains his odd behaviour during periods when he is not overtly ill. By odd, I mean he does and says things which are weird. Colleagues refer to him as being strange. He does and says inappropriate things which concern people. Is this usual.

computer behaving badly, I am here even if unable to respond

depends how much it affecting you/your relationship.

Just be careful, google can be very misleading. Biploar is a very complex illness and there are a few forms of it.

TBH I think if there was anything serious to worry about you would of noticed by now and realized it's more than 'odd' behavior. From what you have said it doesn't sound to me like he has it (I'm Bipolar so speaking from experience). Lot's of people are odd and have weird quirks but if he is getting depressed and you are seriously worried I suggest he goes to his GP (You can even go with him :)) and gets an assessment and the help he needs.

I think I would be 'less concerned' with his illness, as it was something that seems not to have impacted on your lives hugely, and be more worried that my husband had been previously diagnosed with any illness that was long term and not felt the need to tell me earlier on in our relationship (like before we said I do or had kids), that is horribly deceitful and would make me think seriously about things.

You're right `livinginazoo", his concealment really bothers me. In fact his behaviour has impacted greatly on our lives. For example, his behaviour sabotages our friendships so that we have minimal social life. He is restless and seeks constant new experiences which can be exhausting. He gets bored very easily. He seeks constant change. All very draining.

If you are looking for information on what it is like to live with someone with depression and/or bipolar, Anne Sheffield's book, how to survive when they are depressed covers both illnesses from the p.o.v of the spouse/family of the ill person. It aims to help you set boundaries and stay sane. The author is both a sufferer of depression and also had a depressed parent, and has done a lot of research into living with depression fallout.

She mentions often in her book, but I am probably misquoting badly so this is just the jist that I understood, that denial, lying and distorting the truth can be an aspect of the illness. That might explain why he has hidden it, or fear of abandonment. Still...

She has a good message board too, if you google 'depression fallout'. Again covers both illnesses. You might get more experienced insight there as to what living with a bipolar sufferer can be like, and whether this matches what you have experienced.

If he does indeed have bipolar, my (very limited) understanding is that it is not fixable, but controllable through drugs and therapy, and that importantly those things are needed. It would be worth finding out whether he was professionally diagnosed and why he has not followed through with treatment. Possibly, consider encouraging him to return to a GP and discuss it with them together. Particularly, as the behaviours what you are attributing to this as are you say draining on you. I also understand that it is not uncommon that people suffering from bipolar that is not treated to also then become depressed, now that does not sound like double the fun to me!

I have just read a link offered on another thread. It is most helpful. At one point it read "MYTH bi-polar only affects Mood," and goes on to state that bipolar affects judgment, memory, concentration, energy levels, etc. Does this affect happen only when the sufferer is either manic or depressed, or is it present even when the person is apparently well? This is the part that worries me most. Help please.

Why not post on Mental Health. There are a lot of helpful people there, some have bi-polar.

Many folk with bp have long periods without an episode, they are just like everyone else then. Others have moods that cycle quickly and find it hard to know what 'normal' is.