going on holiday without dh (sorry a little long)

[york84]

I want to go away for a week with dc and some of my siblings. I know dh is not happy about this. He doesn't want me to spend (his) money on a holiday which he is not going on. Yet I am happy for him to spend about the same amount on his hobby per year.
We have just been away on holiday as a family with the inlaws so its not as if the dc do not spend time with his family. We will also be spending quite alot of money on a birthday party for mil.
Now he seems to be trying to obstruct the trip by messing around with our holiday dates. Orig we were going away at the start of the summers hols. Than he said he may have to move it so I had planned to try trip that week. Now he is wanting to split his holidays so we are away a few days at start and a few days at end.
I really don't know whether it is reasonable for me to still go away. I feel I need to spend time with siblings as we have had a really rough time over the last year.
I am also starting to wonder whether I really wantto continue with this relationship anyway as I do not feel valued. (SAHM)

Also whilst on holiday I had hoped that mil may babysit one night so we could have some free time without dc. In the end most nights he went home early with one or both dc leaving me with mil. I get on ok with her but looking back its fells really insesnsitive. (lost my mum less than 3 months ago)

I'm not sure how/why he can alter your holiday dates - can't you just choose the dates you want and go ahead? Instead of letting him mess about with it, you're going to have to.

He wants to alter the dates we go away with him. They are are flexible as we have not booked anything. However, by doing this it reduces the opportunity for me to book the holiday with my siblings as they have to book dates etc.

Just book your holiday with your siblings and have dh fit in with that, otherwise you're not going to get to do it.

It sounds like there's more going on here. Your reference to him regarding it as his money, his reluctance to spend an evening with you alone on your last holiday, your general malaise.

It's absolutely reasonable for you to go away if you'd be happy for him to take the children on holiday without you (theoretically; I realise he's not proposing this), and it sounds like you might need the space to think about things. Yes?

I think he was just tired. Has been doing alot of commuting but yes things probably could be better. I gess alarm bells are starting to ring.

It is completely reasonable to go away with your siblings and your dc's cousins, stop dithering and get it booked, then plan your family hol around that.

Explain that it is joint family money, it is a treat for the kids, a chance to spend time with your side of the family as well as spending time with his. Or say to him 'OK, would you like to come on this hol with my siblings and nephews and neices, and make that our family holiday, as the equivalent of when you went with his parents? Bet that will get him back pedalling! And telll him to drop the 'his money' stuff.

Is there an issue with money? Can you actually afford the holiday that is being planned? If not, maybe plan something cheaper with your family?