to just get on with it or wait

[Kimberjem]

So, its been nearly a month since my ex and I last slept with each other and I am really missing physical contact. I was very promiscuous in the past prior to last my relationship and realise how demoralised I felt by it and I am so conscious of not feeling cheap, but also I dont feel ready for or like I want another relationship yet, so, I can't decide whether to dust out my old black book and have some fun with gorgeous men of the past or to just wait until I am in a new relationship and just accept my celibate state. I dont even know why casual sex does make me feel cheap or used but it does, I also dont want to lead anyone on, but I just want some physical closeness with someone. For context, I used to drink a lot but have been sober for 2.5 years and my promiscuity was intertwined with drinking but wondering if I am going to far in trying to be a saint now. Before my ex I had been celibate for a few months but was so concentrating on giving up drinking I didnt seem to notice as much and my ex and I had a very active and regular sex life which just makes me miss it all the more. Any advice?

oh dear.

I think you know the answer.

sleeping around is not the answer and who's to say the men in your black book are still around or available? and what kind of self respect do you have if you simply want to offer yourself on a plate to them?

On the other hand if you really do want a fuck buddy they are out there- but IMO it's a can of worms- very hard for both sides to be unemotional and keep feelings out of it long term.

If you know it will make you feel like shit then don't do it.

I think there's a lot to be said for having a decent (by choice) period of celibacy in your life. You learn a lot about yourself and I think it's healthy to 'take back' your body for a while. I did it for about 6 mths last summer and although it sucked at first, it gave me a new appreciation of myself IYSWIM?

Try it. You've always got your black book to fall back on when you're ready.

From your post -
You're very newly out of a long term relationship and miss the sex that was part of it.
Casual sex makes you feel cheap or used. It was also connected to when you were drinking a lot, which you have fairly recently put a lot of effort into stopping.

That sound like a pretty big risk to me, and your post isn't very clear about what you feel you'd get out of it - physical closeness? .. but you're also clear you know it would make you feel bad.

To be very clear I'm not against casual sex if everyone involved feels good about the situation. That's just not what I'm hearing in your post.

Are there other ways you can feel physically close while you're adjusting to being single? Hugs or cuddles with a good friend or relative? Pay for a massage? Dance / exercise class? Jilling off?

Plus: wanking ;)

(Jilling off = wanking :)

Yep, x-posted, but I like your way of putting it better! :)

Thanks ladies, I think that's why I just couldn't decide, am pretty sure that it would prob make me feel bad afterwards, have never had a significant period of celibacy really, I just think a good kiss would do the trick right now, also think it would solidify the break up in my mind.
SJ - I have a couple of guys that I have dated and a new guy that's interested in me that have all made it clear that they are available, just not sure if I just want sex too why it's my self respect that's on the line here? Two guys have made it clear they want a relationship with me hence the worry about using other people. However it's irrelevant as mind made up, it's more celibacy for a while!