still in love with 1st love:(

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im almost 6 yrs married.im now 36 pregnant with twins and have 1 dd.my dh is good man but has alot of problems,hes bipolar,n has drink problem which he is now adressing since i threw him out after last episode,ive let him back cos hes stopped drinking n now going to aa.my life has been hard with him,hes put me tru hell tbh,but i stuck it out for the good in it.he is a good person really.
thing is yrs back i was in 6 yr relationship with a man who i loved dearly but we were young n immature and we split up.he took it very badly but i just had a good time.i dont want come across as a hard uncaring person cos im really a big softie n thats my problem.thing is i never stopped thinking bout this man.he is now married with kids too.we were at a local hotel recently for a big function,this man was there with his family and when i was outside with my dd in play area,i could feel some1 staring at me,i turned round n it was my 1st love,he was smiling at me,but the way he smiled was so nice,there was love in it.i looked away again cos i almost felt guilty even tho i hadnt done anything wrong.now i cant stop thinking about him,its doing my head in tbh.i know for fact that this man still has feelings for me cos over the yrs when we have come across each other he reacted in a way that showed me so.we not on speaking terms as things ended badly.
i dont know how to get him out of my headd,i dont think i would act on this as i have never been unfaithful to my hubbie.n im sure this man wouldnt be on his wife.is this normal for some1 to still think of their 1st love?

I think it's normal to think about a past relationship/past partners with fondness.

I'm not sure whether you've gone beyond that into obsessing over this guy: but it would be understandable. In retrospect what you had previously may have taken on a glow, due to the problems you've had. It's a nice feeling to think that someone still loves you when your primary relationship has had such difficulties. It may not be the man himself, but what he represents.

You say it ended badly - is that not a sign? What happened? Maybe remembering the reasons it ended are a better way to look at this.

Hi
Quote, I do understand how you feel, but unfortunately can't help. Sorry for hijacking your conversation but maybe I can be helped as well.

I have also an issue with my first love. We were together for 10 years and never slept together waiting to get married first. Unfortunately I got an opportunity to leave the country and left without saying goodbye to him. This was not to break-up but as we lived far apart all the time and never communicated well, i just thought I will speak to him whenever I was able to get hold of him(looking back it was really stupid). When I finally got hold of him he was happy to hear from me but obviuosly upset. We carried on with our long distance love until he told me he had to let me go. ( Wow really helps to say it out as I have never really shared this with a lot of people). We said our goodbyes and I moved on. I met a wonderful guy, married 6 years now and 2 DC. The problem is I can't stop thinking about ny ex even though I have not spoken to him for years. I have no idea why and I feel so guilty coz i feel like iam cheating on DH emotionally.

Please do help.

I think you're deluding yourself. Sorry Kudza, but I think you're clinging on to a dream, not a real person. It's what he could've been to you, not what he really was. If he was this great guy who really loved you, he wouldn't have ended it.

my story of first love- we split up (young and a bit selfish/unsure him not me!) both met and married other partners . I hankered after first love and what could have been. 7 yrs later he split from his wife and we ended up having an affair after bumping into him in a local bar, after a few months of deceiving my husband i realised that first love was still selfish/unsure and that the original problems in our relationship were still there. Luckily dh forgave me and i realised that first love was special but my marrage was more special! first love has since remarried and divorced! i still daydream about him and still see him in the street and feel a tug at the heartstrings, but i know that it is fantasy not real love.

i was in a bad marriage for 22yrs and always thought of my first love, wondering if he was happy and what he was upto. i found him on friends reunited and sent him a message....we met up for a coffee and a chat. all the old feelings came flooding back, we hugged and said goodbye, i thought i wouldn't see him again, he phoned me the day after and we talked about how much we had missed each other and still wanted to be together. i left my dh and moved away, my first love phoned me every day and would be on the phone hours. we met up a few times but it was so hard to say bye, 6 months later we got a house together and have now been together for 2;7

Thanks Buzzsore, I think I needed to hear that. I feel quite free from this delusion. It's amazing what mumsnet talk can do.........

Not my first love, but i still sometimes wake up after dreaming about a major ex in my life
i am aware he lives about 60 miles from me, and has a FB account, but thats as far as i take it

i speak to my FL every week. atm its several times a week because i have been having a very rough time with several things all beyond my control and mostly health related.

its 25 years since i was in a relationship with him. i would admit that i love him dearly. we went to school together and have a lot of shared friends.

so although it would probably be the right thing if we had less contact i could not want to give up such a good friendship. occasionally it was rocky about 20 years ago but it is so much better now. its the friendship that we have agreed to carry on.

I am married to a very good man, but I still think often about my first love.

We were both young and immature, and he had a lot of family/emotional issues going on in the background. On reflection I treated him quite cruelly (in short, split up with him to go and sow some wild oats). Although I wouldn't have admitted it to myself or him at the time, I always thought we would end up together. I went to live abroad for a couple of years and we stayed in touch and visited one another a few times. Anyway, a couple of months before I moved back to the UK he met a girl. Then a week before I came back he sent me a text saying "I can't see you any more, goodbye". And that was then end of contact after 6 years of a relationship and 3 more of friendship. I have never fully got over it.

I have heard that he got married, had a son and then quickly divorced. I have tried to get in touch a few times but he is not interested. I miss him terribly. Even though I know that my lovely stable husband who will be a great dad some day is much better for me.