Friendship problems

[M22]

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ALERT !!!!!

BUNNY BOILERS !!!!!

Sorry .... not a very constructive comment ... but I HAVE been in your situation, and it is all a bit "headwrecking". I decided to cut and run - and quite frankly it's the best thing I have done ... as I am no longer beating myself up about ... "Did I say the right thing... ? " or " Did I upset her this time ...? "
I found that I was wasting too much time and energy on this couple and their feelings - that I was forgetting about number one - namely me

i think the husbands interference is v. strange - you should ask her to leave your hubby out of it. in fact if she wants to get irate tell her to pis off on the grouds she bought your hubby into it.

i have a high maintenance friend - who wants to always talk about herself and doesnt want to hear about anything i have to say or about my day and i find this distressing sometimes. but she is a friend - she does ring me- when lots of others havent bothered since i moved 300 miles. she does put me and my family up when i go to stay. but she is always mmmmmoooooooooaaaaning! so i do my best to do all my moaning too. i am determined. she has her lighter side occasionally! i am friendly with her hubby and my hubby was his close friend when we lived up north. if he got involved in an altercation i would seriously tell him to f*ck off and if she didnt like it she could jump too!

i think honesty is needed if only to get it off your chest - if she wont let it lie - you make the move - you phone and get it all out in the open. tell her she either wants your opinion or she doesnt. if she doesnt want an active conversation adn just wants you to listen - fair enough - ask you to listen without judgement. as a friend youcan do that - but not to ask you for an opinion she clearly doesnt want and not to involve your husband.

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M22- oh poo...what a thing to happen- the text I mean. You've fallen on your blame and apologised- don't think there's a lot more you can do

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oh dear, all sounds terribly (and needlessly complex). it sounds like anything other than 100% approbation towards this woman and her husband results in vast amounts of emotional manipulation. I think you really do need to step back from the whole thing, and distance yourself. these aren't real friends; their need for approval comes far above your feelings. also you don't have to take responsibility for the state of the toddler group; if the carers at the toddler group think it is in a right old state, they should speak out and try to do something about it. however much this woman/husband may try and make trouble, you have to remember that you aren't responsible for her feelings.

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oh no please dont do that. You shouldnt have your faith affected by something like that. Why dont you ask if maybe some sort of meeting with ALL of the parents could be called. Explain in front of all of them the mistake you made. Apologise whole heartedly then state that you still have concerns that you feel need to be addressed i.e the health and safety stuff. Say that you know you handled it badly but these are real issues and you hope that people can let bygones be bygones for the sake of the children this group is designed to benefit.... maybe the vicar can help, someone respected by all of the group who can mediate!

I hope the situation improves

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i think maybe staying away from church for a while might be a good idea.......for your benefit and nobody elses though.

speaking from experience sooner or later people like this always show their true colours, its just she has always had you to treat this way. if you withdraw totally from ANY contact whatsoever with her she will have to go and find somebody else to fulfill the role you have played in her life.

its not easy to walk away from a situation like this. when dp and i had a similar problem we totally withdrew from every person involved, directly or indirectly, and decided to rise above it (boy was it hard to keep my mouth shut!!). miraculously we still managed to be causing trouble for the person concerned even when we could prove we hadn't done the things we were accused of.

the hardest part was down the line seeing people i cared about being treated awfully by this person, and then the sudden realisation by everyone that i had been telling the truth all along. these were people who had known me and my partner for 10 years or more, i thought they knew me better but they were completely taken in by this person.

i am so sorry that you are caught up in such a bad situation.......but if you have the strength to do so leave her and her family to it. as i said sooner or later she will latch onto someone else and the nature of the beast is that the real her will come through.

i am thinking of you and will follow this with interest.

/link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=12300#1456004}

??????

Unless I am being very stupid, that link just brings me back to this very old post ???

No- you are not stupid- I was trying to link it from another thread-but put my post on the wrong thread-doh- just ignore it!!!