Background:
Me and DH have been together for 10 years and have two young children. Our relationship is generally good. At least on my side, I feel that he is mostly a loving, supportive partner and, when we have talked about these things, he says that he feels generally very happy and content.
However, sex has risen its head as an issue for us a few times in the course of our relationship.
Firstly, my sex drive took a battering for a couple of years when the kids were babies (two c-sections, PND, sleep deprivation etc). I know that during the time I had PND it was tough for my husband, as we virtually never had sex and I was also less affectionate. He was really patient and understanding for the most part, although there were a few rows where he said he felt lonely and rejected, which led to us having couples counselling to try to 'get back on track'.
This seemed to help a bit, but mainly I felt my sex drive just naturally came back once both our kids were sleeping well and I was back to work. I got my energy back and was also doing stuff outside of the house/family again, and felt like 'me', so naturally, the feelings of desire followed.
I thought our sex life has been pretty much 'back on track' for the last year or so. We are loads more affectionate with each other than we were and are averaging sex once or twice a week, sometimes more if we have a 'quickie' in the morning or whatever (sorry, tmi!). I know we are not exactly setting the world alight with passion, but to be honest, with both of us working full time and sharing after school childcare / extra curricular stuff with the kids (I should add that one of our kids also has SN, which can be quite demanding) I thought we were managing quite well. We are not boring vanilla types, either. I think I am actally quite hit for an old bird 
It seems not, though 
Things have come to a slight head this morning. We haven't had sex for a couple of weeks, because I had a very heavy period and then we have had an elderly relative staying with us in the next room (!), so it has slightly hampered things. This morning DH cuddled up to me and asked if I fancied a quickie, to which said 'I'm not really in the mood, lets wait until tonight' in as gentle a way as I could seeing as the kids were awake and playing in the next room, our elderly relative (who is going home today) is still here and was awake downstairs and it just felt totally wrong to be having sex. DH then got in a huff and said 'you always say that', which is a load of bollocks. I don't 'always' say anything, I just occasionally turn down his advances when I am not in the mood or feel it is an inappropriate.
I just suddenly felt such a surge of anger towards DH and it scared me, to be honest. I ended up having a mini rant (in hushed tones, as elderly relative pottering about!), as I feel he subtley tries to make out I am some sort of frigid Bridgid (sorry for the horrible terminology, but couldnt think how else to put it) and that I am somehow not normal for not wanting sex at the drop of a hat whenever he feels like it. It just made me feel so angry with him. I love sex and I would love to be lounging around having leisurely bloody lovemaking at every opportunity, but that is not our life right now, FGS!
This makes him sound like a pig, which he generally isn't. He is the nicest man I know. But FFS, I cannot be doing with mind games about sex. Surely if one of you doesn't feel like it, you drop it. I wouldnt guilt trip my DG if he didn't feel up to it.
AIBU? I dont really know what I'm asking. I just stormed downstairs feeling disproportionately angry about it all and not knowing why, and thought maybe you wise MN-ers could shed some light.